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What Would You Do If a Giant Hamster Was Chasing You?

I’d probably be wondering where my life went so wrong. I mean, most 27-year-olds are out and about with their mates, generally enjoying life. Yet here I am, being chased by a giant hamster. For some reason. That said, we’re automatically assuming the hamster’s intentions are malicious. Hamsters are known for biting the hell out of humans, of course, but really, would they eat a human if they could? That said, if the darn thing is chasing me, I must’ve done something to piss it off. Maybe I’m the one who embiggened it. But would that really annoy it so much it started chasing me? I don’t know. Maybe his wife wasn’t happy. Maybe my madcap hamster enlarging experiments ruined their sex life. Maybe that’s why Paul Bunyan never married. Although the giant at the top of that beanstalk is single. So there’s nothing for it, readers. We’re going to have to use intelligence to figure out why the hamster is so large, if it can be so large, why it would be chasing me, and what I’m going to do about it. For the sake of Annie. Think of poor Annie! Oh, that’s his wife…