Is that you mum? This really is the type of question only a mother would ask. You hear it all the time: ‘oh now, you can’t do that’. And you’re like: ‘well, you did’. And your mum is like: ‘oh man, you’re ragging my coattails’. And you’re like: ‘dude! Stop trying to be cool’. And your mum is like: ‘I was once like you – young, full of life, energetic and excited by every little thing, then you showed up with your constant crying and pooping’. And you’re like: ‘I bet you wish I was never born!’ And you’re mum is like: ‘well, yes, that would have made life much easier’. And you’re like: ‘Hang on – you just said you were once like me – I win the argument – checkmate, sweetheart’. And by this point, if I have any readers left, they’re almost certainly on the phone to a shrink.
It’s peer pressure. But people always blame peer pressure. It’s as if it’s the go-to thing nowadays. Don’t give in to peer pressure because you’ll end up on crack and tobacco, tricking to put Britney through school. It can’t be that way though. Peer pressure is certainly a rather recent invention. We didn’t have it 50 years ago. I should know. Well, I sent my resident hobo Jules back 50 years in the stolen DeLorean to find out, and he swears that it wasn’t an issue back then. He liked his trip back in time. Except there was a slight problem on his way back. For some reason, he now has boobs.
I don’t give in to peer pressure. No peers and all. I’ve been around people who have been smoking and I have been offered cigarettes, but I can categorically say this: I have never smoked a cigarette or anything at all ever. And neither should you, kids. Stay in school.
What about you, readers? Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
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