Why would one do such thing? What’s wrong with our names? We should shout from the rooftops. If no roof is available, we should shout them from our car tops. No car? Erm, okay. We should shout them from the top of our – er, place of work? Oh, you’re a bum? Okay. Just shout in a street. Don’t tell me you don’t have a street. Oh God. Wherever you are now, just shout your name. Good? Thank you. That’s that sorted. I’m sorry, what’s that? You don’t have a name? Well, why, eh? Then why are we debating where to shout it from! Sigh. What was my point? Ah yes, shout your name as loud as a hobo shouts after being hit with a pickle.
I’m ruining the question, aren’t I? Well aint that spiffing, dudes. Ruining yet another question with nonsensical ramblings. The sea air doesn’t do one any good, you know. My point was thus: our names are our names; we should not need to change them. Or want to. This is yet another question that defies logic. Bah, humbug. And so forth.
So I need a new name, huh? Well, let’s see. I’m tall. Shy. Lanky. Pasty. Not very fun. Misplaced sense of humour. Awful dress sense. Handsome (ahem). Northern. What name could I choose? Ah, yes. I have one. And I’ve just discovered it means ‘ruler of the people’. Bad career choice for a shy person.
I’d go for Dirk.
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