You know I’m not lucky. And if I’d won a significant amount on the lottery, would I be here, typing away almost every day? No, of course I wouldn’t. I’d be in Tahiti, typing away almost every day. I wouldn’t leave you guys if I got rich. I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t briefly occurred to me, but it would be a very brief thought. A millisecond. One second. Two at most. And you have no idea how empty those five seconds would be.
The lottery. First of all, I don’t actually play the lottery as its witchcraft and that’s the work of the devil (ahem). Secondly, I don’t see the point in the lottery. Yes, one could argue you have statistically as much chance of winning something as the next dude, but seriously, who trusts statistics? How many of us have every actually met a jackpot winner? Hmm? No one? Exactly. That’s my point. All statistics are lies. Probably the work of secret government agents, and if that sounds preposterous, stare at the screen for five minutes to see if the words start to melt off it.
I did play the lottery when I was a kid. My mum and dad sort of did a family lottery thing. I was entered. There was a ticket. We watched television on a Saturday night. Some bingo balls found their way onto the wrong television set. A voice came from the heavens that I thought was God. It’s all a bit vague. Like the entire ‘90s that I grew up in.
I think I once won 30 pounds on the lottery, although I’ve won more elsewhere. I once won 50 pounds in a Church raffle. Yes, you read correctly. Church raffle. My life is like the ‘50s isn’t it? It’s bemusing winning money at a Church raffle, I know. I thought they had no money. Or maybe they were expecting a 15-year-old boy to give it back to the church.
I often wondered why they thought that.
What is the most money you have ever won on the lottery, readers?
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