No. I don’t even like wine gums. Which have nothing to do with wine. Why are they called wine gums, then? Oh Wikipedia, where art thou? I’ll just check. Oh. No one knows why wine gums are called that. Doesn’t matter, anyway. They’re disgusting. They’re like black liquorice. I was browsing the internet once, and I read a comment left by somebody stating that black liquorice tastes like ammonia. Quite accurately, too, I might add.
Wine is an acquired taste. Acquired. Odd choice of words considering it doesn’t mean what people think it means. I think what people are trying to say is that it takes the right person to enjoy the taste. Women tend to like wine. I once read another comment whilst browsing the internet that it’s because it helps them put up with men. Tad sexist, methinks. A mallet would work better. Wine though – it’s a strange beast.
For me, wine tastes like somebody killed a rat, cooked it in formaldehyde, sprinkled it with rusty warts, spat in it, blended it, threw it in a vat of mouldy old milk and let a aged, enraged, sexy Irish leprechaun frolic about it in for a couple of hours. It is putrid, vile, disgusting, manky, awful and diseased. It is a living incarnation of one of the worst daemons one’s mind could conjure.
As you can see, I absolutely hate wine. We all should. Then it would bugger off into the great chasm of nothingness.
Do you like wine, readers?
(I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. To do so, you can leave a comment by pressing the bubble on the top right of this post and scroll to the bottom of the new page to where it says ‘leave a reply’. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks)