I’m not fond of animals. I’m even less fond of the term. Aren’t humans animals? Why do we refer to animals as separate beings? It’s as if we feel like we’re better than they are. Although we’re more civilized, I’ll admit. We don’t walk around grunting and/or licking our genitals. Well, most of us don’t.
Dogs don’t like me, and I have no clue why. Every dog I see wants to kill me. I really wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. They hate me. It’s as if they know I think they’re vermin. They’re horrible beasts. All they do is bark, ruin your carpet, bark, demand your money, bite, bark and ruin the rest of your carpet. And they don’t have emotions, they don’t feel love. People say ‘oh well, Alfie loves me, so all his foibles are worth it’. He doesn’t! He’s a dog, for goodness sake! You may as well have a pet fence.
I was 11 once. I think most adults were. I was boarding a tired old bus. As I was boarding, this adorable little dog came out of nowhere and jumped on me. It knocked me to the ground (I was only little) and started snapping at me. It got hold of my PE bag and ran for the hills. The bus driver got out and chased it. I got my bag back. And a free bus ride. Although my kit was ruined and I couldn’t do PE. The teacher thought ‘the dog ate my kit’ was a pathetic excuse and I was put into detention. And that really happened.
A week later, another dog got me. Wrapped its teeth around my leg after a lengthy chase. One of a legion of dogs that’ve done that to me. Countless times.
All dogs are bastards.
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