No. Next. Oh, you want more? Ah, blast.
Well, age is a funny thing. Well, it gets less funny the older you get. Well, less funny to you, more funny to people younger than you are. But a lion, or something, in a massively overrated piece of crap, once spoke of the circle of life, and I feel he had a good point. Because the day will come when that younger person hits the age they mocked you for being and you’ll get your comeuppance. You’ll be able to give them a gentle tap on the noggin with your walking stick. And whilst you do it, you can call them ‘sonny’.
Actually, why do we mock age? It’s not very fair, is it? You cannot help age. Well, I’m working on it, but for now, you can’t. In other words, what you’re saying is, “Hah, look at you, you poor old fool, for following the linear progression of time”. “Oh jeez, thank you. I’ll try to more careful next year. I have two weeks off over the summer, maybe I’ll go on a quest for the fountain of youth. Hey! While I’m there, I’ll bring you back a souvenir from the gift shop. It’ll be a mirror, yes, a mirror, with the words ‘guess who’s a complete an utter twit’ printed on it”.
The cheek of some people.
I do not look my age. I often get kids in the street laughing at me or bullying me, yet people clearly younger than I don’t suffer the same treatment. When I talk back, they simply refuse to believe me. “22? Yeah, whatever blood, and I’m a headless chicken”. Yes. You will be if you keep talking to me like that you hooded rapscallion. And learn to talk properly!
I don’t look my age. And it’s not something I’m best pleased about. But hey ho, what can you do, apart from follow the linear progression of time?
The Friday Bonus Question:
Plucked from the basement of the internet, a bewildering real question that defies logic and an answer, here for you to ponder:
What if the body scanner lenses at the airport started whizzing around your body so fast that time started to travel backwards and you became a singularity?
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