Which Is Your Favourite Man-Made Wonder Of Southern England?

Post 297

I don’t know a lot about Southern England. I’d normally bombard you with highly interesting facts. Perhaps the fact that I’m struggling to find facts is in itself a fact, proving my hypothesis that Southern England isn’t very interesting. It’s home to a very rare bat. The home of The Isle of Wight, our largest island. I think. Never been there so I can’t tell you much about it. Ooh, and Edgmond, a town in the south, had the highest recorded temperature in the history of the UK. 101° Fahrenheit or 39° Celsius. Also, apparently, the south has seven man-made wonders as well. They’re okay, I suppose. Nothing special. Have I mentioned I’m from Northern England? No? Ah well, there it is, sunbeams.

Let’s start by throwing Chichester Cathedral off the table. My golden rule: don’t chose anywhere religious. It’s not fair on other religions. Plus, if I pick it and it’s Catholic, which it isn’t, it’ll be seen as favouritism, if I don’t pick it, it’ll be seen as attacking the Anglican Church. So, I can’t win. Just throw it off the table. Also, it has nothing on northern cathedrals. The New Forest confused me. It just goes to show how little I know about the south. I didn’t know it was man-made. It’s incredible. It’s very pretty but I must take everything into consideration. As we all know, all forms of hunting are wrong and sickening. And why was the New Forest created? As a home of the royal hunting of dear. It’s like saying, “And we, the judges, choose Garden D as our favourite garden, created by a serial killer who sprinkled the plants with the blood of his victims to aid growth – isn’t it charming?” Not really, no. Excuse me, I need to go and vomit. Violently. I’m not entirely sure how Wey Navigation made it onto this list. From what I can deduce, it’s a walk around a river. Huh? Did they run of wonders? Well, no bloody surprise there. Stonehenge. Surely, I’d pick that. Think again. We don’t even know it was man-made. Not to mention that’s not actually a henge. That’s an actual fact. And it’s not religious. As another fact tells us, it’s has nothing to do with the Druids. Onto Uffington White Horse. It’s just a horse sculpture. It doesn’t even look like much of a horse. Are you sure it’s a horse? Sorta looks like somebody ran over a cat. It’s as bad as the makers of Stonehenge calling it a henge when it isn’t a henge. Picking my favourite from the remaining two wonders is going to be difficult. I genuinely don’t have a good reason to rule out either. So I’ll rule out The University of Oxford. Why? Because I can, that’s why.

So, using my highly scientific method, I’ve narrowed it down to just one. Spitbank Fort. Chosen because Spitbank is a phenomenal name for a wonder. Oh yes, Rio de Janeiro has Christ the Redeemer. We have Spitbank. Take that, Rio. Spitbank Fort is literally a fort in the middle of the sea. It was built as a defence fort, now a hotel, but was once used as a function room for wedding receptions. That’s a great start to the marriage. “Hey, darling, let’s go and look at some turrets”. God forbid if she thinks that a euphemism.

Spitbank Fort. My favourite man-made wonder of Southern England.

Ciao :)(:

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