No. Next. Oh, right. More, then. The only way I would ever conceivably own a robot butler, would be in a future whereby I’m so old and infirm, I was given one by the government. And I find it incredible that a government that can barely handle its elderly at the moment would risk giving the elderly a robot that could do things like carve the turkey for dinner. How would it know what was a turkey and what was an old ladies thigh? I’m sure we’d all be happier if the government spent all that money on robots on their hundred-gallon tankard full of sherry that they wanted to spend it on in the first place. And I’d be happier, too. Just put me in a care home and leave me alone. Robots. Ridiculous.
The word robot ultimately comes from the Czech word robotnik, meaning slave. Why should we enslave robots? Are they sentient? Because if they are, we shouldn’t use them for our own gain. Every single year of humanity since we invented electronics has pushed us closer to the edge over the abyss of laziness. There’s a reason the Amish are happy. Good old hard work. People say, “Well, yes – but they’d be better off with a tractor instead this horse contraption”. So? It’s hardly progression. I cannot work out how technological evolution is progression if it doesn’t make you happy. Give an Amish man a tractor and he will be more prosperous, but he’ll also be miserable. Yes, my robot butler could wipe my bum so I don’t have to. I’d rather do that myself. And when I’m old, I want that human touch. Pardon the expression. But I’d feel a connection and warmth, the love of the care of another human. That’s priceless. And I’d never thought I’d say that about arse wiping.
Some people would argue that it helps the elderly and the disabled be more independent. But how is a robot different from a carer? How can one feel more independent with a robot around the house over a carer around the house? They’re identical. If anything, I’d be frightened of the robot. I’d rather have a carer. And don’t throw money at my face. That’d hurt. Robots, at the moment, are no different to cars. And we spend thousands upon thousands upon thousands of pounds per annum on them. A robot butler is highly illogical.
Would I have a robot butler? Of course not. They make no sense. All they do is push us toward a world that can be best described as the one that befell the humans in Wall-E. When the robot population starts to grow, when they start to enter our homes, when they start to dominate, I’ll fight them. I’m doing it already. Unlike the majority of humankind, I don’t own a mobile phone. Or a credit or debit card. I don’t know what Facebook, the YouTube, Tweet, Insta-nonsense, and all the other cronies, are. I don’t even have a permanent email. BECAUSE NONE OF THEM ARE NECESSARY! And neither are robot butlers! And when that world comes, and it will, believe you me, I have only one thing to say…
DEATH TO THE ROBOTS!
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