Ahem. I had better be careful with this one. You know, it could be horribly mishandled and nobody likes a mishandled organ. To clarify, we’re not talking about pipe organs, like the one in the Basilica of Valère in Switzerland, built 1435, or the Fratelli Serassi 1826 organ, which, after several handsome Italian priests visited in the 19th century, underwent significant enlargement. Seriously. Google it. No, I’m talking about the human body. The fleshy mechanisms we use for survival, attraction and pleasure. And exhibitionism. The cause of much anger and jealously. Am I still on the air? Yes? Really? Oh, grand. Let’s get on with it, then.
I’m not particular to the adrenal glands. Adrenaline and I go together like an escapologist and a locksmith who doesn’t understand the routine. The thymus gland deals with diseases and that’s like working in a quarantine chamber, my idea of hell. The spinal cord is a hub of activity and I don’t like hubs of activity. I like nice quiet areas. Like the genitals. But I can hardly go for them. The lungs are impressive but I’m often out of breath so I feel like mine have let me down and I don’t want to pick them. It’s like a flower growing bacon, an impossibly tasty notion. The ureter is highly functional but it’s messy work. Eyes are weird. I do not like eyes at all. I’m the same with ears. Ears are weird. Oh, they send shivers down me spine. My kidney’s hurt when I get kicked in them, but every man has been kicked in the kidneys so I’m ruling them out as a potential favourite organ because they really should’ve thought of a way not to hurt when the inevitable happens. The skin is the body’s largest organ. But I have many problems with mine. I feel like they’re in cohorts with the lungs. The gallbladder. I often wonder what made it so bitter. The heart is reputedly the organ of love and furious pumping. Which have some degree of crossover. Ahem. Liver. Oh. Oh, it looks so disgusting. It looks like something The Blob would marry. Oh, and people eat that? Oh, what is wrong with people? The nose. I like noses. Don’t know why, so, it’ll be useless going for it. The appendix. What a useless sack of crap. Could not have more of a pointless existence. What is the point in it? It’s useless. It doesn’t deserve to be my favourite. Heck, all it does it kill you. There’s a history of appendicitis in my family. Everyone has had it. Even the girls. But I haven’t. And for that, I’ll show it some mercy and bother to mention it at all. Thank you Mr. Appendix, for 23 years without having tried to kill me yet.
I’ll go for the brain. That mysterious lump of goo, in my case, high in the noggin department where ideas and functions are collected and mashed together in a wrinkly orgasm of mass intelligence. A brilliant piece of engineering, I’d assume, and a wonderful organ. The best organ. My favourite organ in the human body.
What’s your favourite organ, readers? Keep your answers clean, please.
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