What Is Your Favourite Type of Shoe?

Post 321

A shoe is an item of footwear intended to protect and comfort the human foot whilst doing any one of a wide number of activities. That’s the official definition of a shoe. I’m sure you knew that. Although I think it’s a little harsh to limit shoes to humans. Dogs have shoes. I mean, they’re owners put shoes on them. There are not dogs in shoe shops. Except dogs for the blind. Although I’m not sure how useful they are in that situation. Also, a wide number of activities? Well, it’s not a wide variety really. I mean, you don’t wear them in the bath. Or when you’re having sex. I mean, I don’t find clogs particularly alluring. But at least you won’t be embarrassed in the morning by your neighbours who’ve heard your ‘activities’. They’ll think you were midnight tap dancing.

First of all, I’m not a woman or a dancer, and as a result of these two things, I’ve never worn women’s shoes or dancing shoes. So, effectively, I’m not even going to consider either. And I’m hardly athletic, so I’m ruling out athletic shoes, also. Dress shoes are fairly popular. I don’t like Brogue, Oxford, Monk and Derby shoes. They’re just too tight. Boots are heavy. I’ve only worn one pair, in a shoe shop, and I’ve never gone back. To boots. The shoe shop was fine. I’m suspicious of sandals. I don’t like my feet so I have to wear socks with sandals but that makes me look 100-years-old. And I don’t want to look that age until I’m at least 30. Clogs we’ve established aren’t particularly sexy. I can’t see myself wearing them. They are pretty, though. Platforms. A crappy piece of the crappy ‘80s. Oh, boy. Why would you wear them? And the ones these days are hardly logical, are they? Boat shoes look lovely. But I’ve never worn a pair so that’s just based on looks. But I wouldn’t feel right wearing a pair, anyway. I don’t own a boat. It would feel wrong. To me, it’s as illogical as ordering flowers from McDonalds.

Slip-ons. I’ll go for slip-ons. My favourite shoe. I’ve worn slip-ons for 10 years and nothing else. I’ve never been a great tier of shoelaces, I didn’t like the pressure on my foot, so I abandoned them in favour of slip-ons and I haven’t gone back. I only own one pair of shoes. Have done for like, ever. I’m a size 10, and in case you’re wondering how we measure shoes in the UK, we measure them in barleycorn. Which is a very old imperial unit. My feet are 10 barleycorns. I like that. You know, until the EU sees fit to destroy that piece of our tradition along with all our other traditions they’ve destroyed already. Slip-ons are comfortable. They allow your feet to breathe. They are simply the best shoe.

Slip-ons. My favourite shoe.

What’s your favourite shoe, readers?

Ciao :)(:

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The Indelible Life of Me
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