Oh yeah, I’ve often thought about a luxurious move to Barbados. Living life on the beach in a hut surrounded by beautiful maidens and unpronounceable cocktails. Hawaiian shorts and aviator shades. Oh yeah, the good life. What? Oh come on, readers, I tried to make it sound believable. Be honest, what gave me away? Surely the impression you have of me is a Sun licked bohemian demigod. No? Oh, well, I suppose that’s a good thing. Because there’s no place like home. I know I don’t live in Barbados, but I wouldn’t want to. I like the North East of England. Nothing could make me leave. I don’t care if global warming puts my little, often forgotten, deprived town under 100 feet of water, I’m still not leaving. I’d just buy a canal boat and moor it to my chimney. Seriously. So what is the point of this question?
I found a citizenship test online. You answer questions and it finds your ideal country based on those questions. Now, I currently live in England, and before anyone says it, I’m fully aware it’s a non-sovereign state, and not a country. Don’t be pedantic. It’s a bit of fun. A hypothetical question. What? Oh, come on, you don’t believe I’m fun, either? I’m The Minister of Fun. That was my nickname in school. What? Okay, you’re right, that’s not true, either. I didn’t have a nickname. I was so unpopular the bullies didn’t bother giving me one. Sniff, sniff, sob, sob, etcetera, etcetera…
I’m male. I’m not an anarchist and I hate that the government has abandoned my town. I think our justice system is rocking. Our health care and army are second to none. I don’t vote. I’m a Roman Catholic and believe in God. Work is important to society but the ideals of marriage and having kids are antiquated crap. Immigrants aren’t a threat to us and everyone deserves a chance. Abortion and euthanasia are wrong and national pride is dead. The world is suffering and we aren’t doing enough. Homosexuals have all the rights as heterosexuals. And the death penalty is sickeningly wrong.
So what place do I belong that is not my dear old England?
Turns out, Iceland is the answer. Ah, Iceland, the country of… erm, actually I know nothing about Iceland. Apparently, they’re the happiest people on Earth. Sounds nice, eh? It’s socialist. They have universal healthcare. They have no army, which is good because I can’t stand war. Strip clubs are illegal but prostitution isn’t. Hmm. That’s a tad odd. They have universal education and everyone is equal under the law. Gun laws are the strictest on Earth. Housing is of a very high standard. And it is the only country on Earth where the energy generated is entirely green. Not a single ounce of pollutants. It sounds like a brilliant country, and although I’d never leave dear old England, if some unbelievable disaster occurred and I had to leave, then Iceland is where I’d go. If they’d have me, of course. If not, then a canal boat moored to my chimney it is, then.
Iceland. Where I’d live if I didn’t live where I live.
What place would you choose, readers?
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