Ah, bangs. The glorious forehead accompaniment. I’m not referring to some weird occult gathering on the fringes of society, in case you’re wondering. That’s just for the benefit of any Americans reading, although I am fully aware most Americans these days use the word ‘fringe’ over ‘bangs’ because nobody has a clue why, in America, being different is equal to superiority. I was going to take a humorous look at what other countries call ‘fringes’, but it turns out, only one doesn’t. But the important thing is, Americans don’t like it either. The world of bangs is a dying one. Thank heavens. But just in case you’re one of the last few still using that term, ‘fringe’ is what everyone else calls ‘bangs’. If you want to look like a horse’s tail, then so be it. Far be it from me to stop you. Just wanted to clear up any confusion before we move – sorry? Ah, yes, I did say ‘horse’s tail’. That’s what a ‘bang’ is. Seriously. I’m not going crazy. I’m not the one with a horse’s tail on his head…
There’s a popular ancient horse tail style called ‘bangtail’, although nowadays they use clippers, they used to use a wooden block and an axe. They ‘banged’ the axe against the wooden block to create a straight cut like a modern day fringe. Hence why some say ‘bangs’. The thing is, who started that? There must have been a genesis. “Oh, Margaret, you look like a horse’s rear end.” “Oh, thank you, what a darling compliment, it’s a new style I’m trying – a horse’s rear end, you say? Hmm, I shall call it ‘bangs’.” Oh, boy. How the heck did that catch on? But catch on it did. It’s humorous. Absolutely hilarious. And is fringe equally as funny? No. It’s French. It means ‘threads’, because the hair resembles threads. Fringe was also the name of a great TV show. Sadly, not about fringes. Unlike this post. Which so far is just me moaning. I shall attempt to remedy this with a full stop.
I do have long hair but it’s swept over the top of my head like a super sexy action hunk. What? Oh come on, at least some of that sentence must be believable. Really? None of it? Oh. Sniff. I did have a fringe when I started growing my hair long, but my hair is really thick and it just kept flopping down over my face. I looked like a, to use a British word, pillock. More so. And I started to learn to drive at that point and I just couldn’t see where I was going. For me, that was the day my fringe died. And I’ve never grown one again.
The choppy is messy and rebellious. The blunt is alluring. The side-swept, my method of choice back in the old days. Sexy and hunky. Didn’t work for me. Did I mention it made me look like a pillock? The pin-up looks strange, like your forehead has grown between acquiring said fringe and a time thereafter. A V-Shape reminds me of the ‘60s. The wispy is said to suit all face types. Didn’t work for me, though, did it now? Does the parted fringe constitute a fringe? There’s not really a fringe. You can see the bloody forehead. It’s a sham fringe. Good name for a band that, by the way. The baby has the same problems as the pin-up. And of course, you have the original, the only one that could possibly be called ‘bangs’ because it’s the only one that resembles ‘bangs’. The straight fringe. My personal favourite.
I like fringes. I don’t like bangs. I don’t suit a fringe although they can be very attractive. But for me, despite everything, the biggest issue is that it makes my forehead itch. Which is the sole reason I don’t intend to grow one ever again.
The fringe. Great for others, but not for me.
What are your thoughts on fringes, reader-pops?
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