Celebrity. ‘A person who commands a significant degree of public attention in day-to-day media, often associated with wealth’. Celebrities cover a wide range of areas, from sport, entertainment, socialites, connections, misdeeds, musicians, actresses and actors, or something stupid someone did on the YouTube. Or said on Facebook. Or blurted out on Twitter. In fact, most social media is a rich tapestry of dickishness. Yea. I jumped off a roof and landed on some concrete. I broke most of my body and punctured a lung. Ooh, I know, I’ll put the video of it on the internet! And people watch? Oh boy, do they ever. It’s a fascinating look into the world as it is today, is this celebrity phenomena. If the Victorians had access to this technology, they wouldn’t have gotten anything done. And they were the greatest generation. Of course, it’s partially useful so one cannot condemn it for too long before one starts to sound 100 years of age. At the very least. And it’s this media that’s enabled the world’s elite to communiqué with their fans. Oh, how nice. They do have hearts. Despite the scientific evidence to the contrary. And some have taken to giving their precious little friends names. Oh, it makes you want to throw up, doesn’t it? I like being 100.
Let’s see, what do we have? Lady… Gaga? Oh, God. Well, certainly no Doris Day. What? Oh, come on, really? She was popular in the ‘50s. Still alive. 92. Nothing? Oh, cripes. Yes, well, Stefani Germanotta (Lady Gaga’s real name), calls her followers Little Monsters. It’s actually kinda cute. Not something I’d normally say about a meat suit wearing vocally challenged lunatic. Katheryn Hudson (Katy Perry) has her Katy Cats. That’s just stupid. Taylor Swift has Swifties. Sounds like a hillbilly folk act from the 1930s. Aubrey O’Day has Aubtorage. You know, ‘cause it’s like, entourage, get it? Huh? Get it? I know, I find it utterly hilarious, too. Selena Gomez came up with Selenators. As I once read, ‘[it] sounds like a robot sent from the future to destroy pop music’. Kesha Sebert has Animals. You know, because of her love of animal print. Well, that’s another punch in the face for animal rights activists. Demetria Lovato went with Lovatics. Which sounds like somebody who’s a loved up lunatic. Amber Rose went with Rosebuds. Which is fantastically lovely. Except for the fact her real name is Amber Levonchuck. Maybe Chuckies wasn’t appropriate enough. I’m not sure. Are any of them any good? Certainly seems like I have a downer on most of them. Well, Kelly Clarkson calls her followers Kellebrities. Now that’s intelligent. You see? Doesn’t take a lot to make something wonderful.
Unfortunately, I’m not a genius. So I have no clue what I’d call my followers. Alannites. No, it sounds like it’s connected to Luddites. Gee, I’m not sure. It’s not something I’ve ever thought about. Hmm, I quite like the unconnected route. What about spud? Which is informal slang for a potato here in the UK. Sort of sums me up. A potato. Yeah, practically identical. I think it would catch on. I’m a Spud. Yes, I’ll go for that because I genuinely could care less.
My Spuds. What I’d call my followers if I were famous.
What would you call your followers if you were famous, readers?
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