‘Legal disclaimer – I, the author of this blog, hold no responsibility for the random questions generated by a machine with no outside influence from myself. Furthermore, any questions of a delicate nature must be answered in accordance with the 2011 To Contrive & Jive Charter, stating that all questions must be answered as there are only a finite number of questions one could reasonably find. If questions of a genital nature, whilst sensitive, hint at any kind of perversion, the blame will be entirely the fault of the machine.’ That being said, we’re here, so let’s power through. UNDERWEAR! Clothes worn under other clothes to protect the outer garments from being soiled by bodily secretions, to shape the body, to provide support, for warmth, and for sexual gratification, whether it be visually, physically or for eating (as in chocolate made). Are you still with me? Good. Honestly, that charter is bulletproof. I can’t get around it. The lack of wearing underwear is affectionately known as ‘going commando’. After hours of meticulous research, most of the information I have found is about women. Hence the ‘perversion’ legal disclaimer above. I know, I know, blame the machines, it’s not as if they’re gonna rise up and kill us all, is it? I hope.
Underwear is fascinating, although I recently said that about ears, so ears and underwear are now two things you have on your list of things I find fascinating. This must be a very strange image you’re conjuring. But come on, I mean, there’s a tea made in Hong Kong strained through pantyhose. See? Oh, there’s more. Most women’s underwear is made by male fashion designers. The thong was created by a man. Women in the UK own 34 pairs of knickers on average, whereas in America, it’s 21. And most women own underwear on average longer than they, on average, have a pet or boyfriend. And they say men are disgusting. One in every 10 women does not wear underwear to avoid whatever the hell ‘visible panty line’ is. Studies prove that a woman’s mood is affected by uncomfortable underwear. And as for male underwear facts. Erm, well, men don’t wear them under kilts. That’s all I could find. We’re just not interesting. Blame the machines, blame the machines…
Pros and cons? Well, chaffing is an issue. People who don’t wear underwear have higher amounts of bacteria and yeast on their genitals. That’s an actual scientific fact. You get sweatier. But it’s not all cons. Thongs are bad for you, they rub on your genitals and cause urinary tract infections, and they also have the ability to draw bacteria from the front to the back, or vice versa, which is very bad news indeed. And it’s not only thongs, lace underwear causes irritation. But surely you’d just wear something else, right? Of course, the obvious danger is sitting down without any underwear on. You could sit on a lice infested towel. Real dangers out there in the world, readers.
I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right. It’s okay for bed, but out in public, it’s highly embarrassing. One feels naked. I mean, one in ten women might not have a problem with it, but no guy likes it. We certainly need the ‘support’…
No, I’m an underwear guy and I always will be.
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