Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost than Never to Have Loved At All?

Post 456

I hold it true, whatever befall. I feel it, when I sorrow most. ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Once wrote Shakespeare. Oh, no, wait – he didn’t, that’s a common misconception. Actually, Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote that in 1850, in his poem In Memoriam. Frankie Goes to Hollywood certainly believed in the power of love. What is love? Man, couldn’t have started with an easy question, huh? Like, ‘What time is it?’ Which I, erm, also don’t know. Love is a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes that range from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It’s emotion and attachment. Kindness and compassion. Love keeps humankind united to prolong the species, giving us the biggest gulf known to man between pleasure and hell. The pleasure of the intercourse and the hell of raising the kids. Tennyson gave us one question to which humankind has pondered ever since. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

The Bee Gees once asked us how deep was our love. And that question has since been asked in all 32 cover versions, each as terrible as the original. Tennyson wrote In Memoriam for his beloved friend Arthur Henry Hallam, who died suddenly from a cerebral haemorrhage in 1883. The poem is about grief and loss. The most quoted bit of the whole piece, therefore, is actually Tennyson referencing the death of his friend Arthur. What he was saying was, basically, ‘it was great I knew this man – without him, my life wouldn’t have been as good’. It’s better to have known Arthur than not to have known Arthur. So in that respect, the quote holds up quite well. But a common misconception is that it refers to a romantic love, and that makes the quote a whole lot murkier.

What is love? The misconception is that the quote is saying ‘my life was better with a loving relationship than without’. But I’ve never been in a relationship, so I’m at a distinct disadvantage. If you’ve never been in a relationship, then how can one tell if it’s better to have been in that relationship and to have lost it, than to never have been in one at all? I’m perfectly happy and don’t really want to be in a relationship, like ever, so that leads to me to disagree with the quote. But, how do I know if the happiness one gets from being in a relationship is a greater happiness than the happiness I get from being alone? And how do I know if losing it is better than having it? You see, you see? It’s a tricky conundrum.

What do others say? Love makes life beautiful. Makes you more responsible. Gives you support. Confidence. Studies show it improves health. You’ll live a happier and longer life. It improves your immune system and is good for the heart. It also keeps your mind fresh. On the other hand, they say it can hurt. A deep, burning hurt. If it ends, you’ve wasted a bucket load of money on some girl when you could’ve put it toward a new car. We become blind to incompatibilities until they break the relationship beyond repair. You worry more. You argue more. Jealousy. Obsession. Marriage, kids and living together. But those last three things are subjective. You could put them in the ‘pros’ section, but I wouldn’t.

Being logical and looking at this rationally, I can count the pros and the cons and give you a definitive answer. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I got 10 pros and… 10 cons. Well that was a bloody waste of time…

I’ll never know. And even those who do, some would say ‘yes’ and some ‘no’.

So I’ll leave it to you to decide. What do you think, readers?

Toodle-pip :)(:

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