I’m actually writing this real close to Halloween, but because I write 15 posts ahead of time, it was actually probably Halloween a few weeks ago, but to me, you see, it’s in the future, but my future is your past, although when I arrive at my future, my current future will actually be my past. In any case, it’s nearly Halloween. So I thought I’d do a pumpkin question. Of course, for you, it’s just gone Halloween, so I might seem like a crazy person. But I can assure you, when I wrote this, it was nearly Halloween. It’s all temporal mechanics. I can’t expect anyone who is reading this with a puzzled expression to possibly understand the complexities of time. But whilst I understand temporal mechanics (somewhat), I am just as confused as those of you who don’t. I don’t understand this question. The more I think about it, the dizzier I feel. But if I’ve tackled temporal mechanics in the first paragraph of this post, I suppose I could tackle anything. Except a wall. That would just be stupid…
Pumpkins! Most commonly seen at Halloween in the form of a jack-o’-lantern, named after the strange phenomenon of flickering lights above peat bogs, universally known as will-o’-wisp, but also known at jack-o’-lantern, friar’s lantern, hinkypunk, hobby lantern, spook-lights, ghost-lights or orbs. Jack-o’-lanterns are not named after an Irish folklore about a man named Stingy Jack, as has been proven. But they’re not only made out of pumpkins. In the UK, it’s also common to make them out of turnips. Not particularly frightening, is it? When have you ever heard anyone say, “Oh no! A turnip!”
The word ‘pumpkin’ originates from a Greek word meaning ‘large melon’. The French were the ones who adapted this word to ‘pompon’, which the British, somewhat inevitably, changed into ‘pumpion’. Later, American colonists changed it again to ‘pumpkin’.
Americans and pumpkins go together as well as the words ‘dysfunction’ and ‘erectile’. It’s one of their largest crops, producing nearly 670 thousand imperial tons of pumpkins each year. An American, Tim Mathison, holds the record for the heaviest pumpkin, set in 2013, weighing 145 stone. An American, Stephen Clarke, holds the record for the fastest time to carve a pumpkin, set in 2013, at 16.47 seconds. And a group of Americans hold the record for the farthest distance to fire a pumpkin, a distance of 1,848 yards. Fired from the euphemistically named ‘Big 10 Inch’. 10 inches? Big? Clearly haven’t been to Italy…
But it’s not just America breaking the pumpkin records. Ben Shephard of the United Kingdom broke many pumpkins to achieve his pumpkin record. In London, in 2010, he smashed the most pumpkins in one minute. Eleven! I hear the Smashing Pumpkins weren’t pleased…
I hate pumpkins. I really cannot stand pumpkin anything. They look awful. They feel awful. They taste awful. Americans seem to be the only people who really enjoy them. The only time you see them in the UK is at Halloween, and nobody seems to eat them. Just carve, scoop, throw away. I’ve never even carved a pumpkin because it’s stupid, like all of Halloween. Even as a kid, I hated Halloween. I’ve only ever tasted a pumpkin once. And it’s an experience I’ll never forget. Primarily because it tasted like bananas crossed with spinach crossed with sweaty feat. Pumpkins can go to hell for all I care.
So, readers, do we have an answer to our question? Why pumpkins?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You can leave a comment and/or like this post below, or by clicking the title on the top of this post if you are on the archives page. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:
The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Sunday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post
Hark Around the Words
New Posts Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post