I sure hope there’s not a comma missing. I’m not a fish, man. I’m not Aquaman. I presume he’s a fish. Sort of ‘half-fish’ thing. Comic book fans will now inevitably be rolling their eyes at me. I don’t know anything about comics. Aquaman gets a bad rap, I know that. But he’s certainly one of only a few fish that does get a bad rap. Most fish get a paper wrap as they’re handed to you in the shop. Ahem. Award for most painful joke goes to…
We eat a lot of fish as a human race. We eat so much fish some areas are overfished. We even debate endlessly about whether fish is meat or not. No Christian on the planet believes so, hence why we’re allowed to eat fish on our traditional ‘no meat Friday’. Certainly looks like meat. I don’t eat seafood so I can’t comment, really. It’s very cruel. Poor fish. Only meat humans eat that aren’t raised to be killed. They’re just swimming along, happy as Larry, and suddenly, “ARRRRGH! SOMEONE’S JUST HARPOONED ME!” Imagine if that happened to you on your way to work. You wouldn’t like that would you? And then you’d be plonked on a plate and eaten, viewed as another brick in the wall of the food chain and nothing more. But fish are far more interesting than that…
Most lipstick contains fish scales to give it that shiny look. I’d be very interested to find out how many vegetarians reading know that and whether or not they use lipstick. And whether or not they still will. A hagfish is interesting, too. They can produce enough slime in one minute to fill an entire bucket. And tuna are quick. They can swim at an incredible 43 miles per hour. Which is around 44 miles per hour faster than I can manage…
There is a species of fish, and you can look this up if you don’t believe me, named ‘Slippery Dick’. Sure, it has an official fancy Latin name, but the everyday name is rather colourful. Nobody knows why it’s called that. Some speculate the texture of the fish has a lot in common with – erm, something… else. Many believe it looks like – erm, you know. But I tell you this much, readers. If I woke up one morning and mine looked like that, I’d see a doctor. It does make you wonder what the person who named it was doing at the time he named – you know what, I’ll leave that thought there…
One study recently found that herring fart to communicate. It’s said to be a secret language among herrings so as not to alert other fish. Presumably, this only works with fish that can’t smell.
And it goes on. Starfish are not fish. Fish can drown. They need oxygen and they get it from the water, but if the water doesn’t contain enough oxygen, the fish ‘drown’. And a species of jellyfish, Turritopsis nutricula, has the ability to revert to an earlier form and live again. Theoretically, this could make this jellyfish immortal.
I don’t eat fish. Which, I know, is very unusual for the fish and chip loving United Kingdom. And I don’t eat any seafood. Which, I know, is very unusual in the rest of Europe that we hate so much. And I do accept that many people and countries need fishing to survive, and that’s fine – you have to put bread on the table. But I’m just not in to fish.
Instead of the fish and chips, by the way, I have the much more delicious battered sausage and chips. I do recommend it if you don’t eat seafood, like I, or if you think all seafood tastes as bad as bacon does good. Which, obviously, it does…
No, I’m not a fish man, but are you, readers?
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The Indelible Life of Me
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Hark Around the Words
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