Hey! Wait! Please don’t go – I promise, this question will be highly interesting. For God’s sake, it will involve Santa Claus and Andy Warhol’s underwear! Trust me, this isn’t as ‘Sesame Street’ as it first appears. Still, if this question is a success, I now have many great ideas for more questions. Red, blue, so on, so forth. Green is the colour of grass, snooker tables, the lowermost traffic light, Brussels Sprouts and envy. Apparently. I’ve never actually seen anyone literally turn green with envy. My first thought would not be, ‘Oh, she’s envious’. It would be, ‘Dear God! Call a doctor!’ But it continues. You also have the ‘green-eyed monster’ and ‘rub of the green’. Often used to denote bad luck. ‘Oh, he hasn’t had the rub of the green’. It’s one of Britain’s many phrases that often flummox foreigners. You know, like ‘Bob’s your uncle’, ‘knees up’, ‘sixes and sevens’, ‘chuffed to bits’, ‘got the hump’, ‘total cock up’ and ‘the dog’s bollocks’. Although I’m British and I hardly ever use any of those. Are you enjoying your ‘green odyssey’ so far, readers? I think it’s going well…
Green is near the top of my favourite list of colours. It’s often said to be the colour of nature, fertility, youth, safety, hope and life. Said to alleviate depression, nervousness and anxiety. In several religions, it’s also associated with resurrection and regeneration. Some stats do back all this up. It’s said that suicides dropped by 34% when London’s Blackfriars Bridge was painted green. Maybe the paint fumes put them off, I don’t know.
There are no green mammals. There will be some of you thinking you’ve seen a green sloth. In fact, they move so slowly, algae (which is green coloured), grows on them. And it’s not the only misconception. Frankenstein’s monster was not green, but a pale yellow coloured human-like man with no scars or bolts, acting pretty much like a normal dude. American green cards are, currently, white. They were green when first produced, but the colour now changes regularly to prevent forgery. And there is also the issue of emu’s eggs. White? No, green, actually. To camouflage them in the grass from predators such as humans because, apparently, we find them rather tasty. I’d feel sorry for emus, but they’re bastards.
Oh, and Andy Warhol? He only ever wore green underwear, due to his autism.
And as for Santa Claus? He originally wore green clothing, but over time, it changed to red. The Steiner School in Brighton, England, had a hugely controversial green suited Santa visit during the Christmas of 2007. The reason given was, “The red suited Santa was created as a marketing tool by Coca-Cola, it is a symbol of commercialism.” Coca-Cola first started using Santa in adverts in the 1950s. In truth, Thomas Nast was one of the first to paint Santa in a red suit in the 19th century before Coca-Cola was even invented, proving Coca-Cola did not change the colour to red. It’s a very common misconception, readers. I bet Steiner School aren’t laughing now…
Yes, green is a fantabulous colour. If green suddenly vanished, our gorgeous landscapes would look weird and alien, our traffic lights would be strange and our snooker tables would probably be blue. Actually, I quite like blue snooker tables. You can see the coloured balls better. Greater contrast because – sorry, I’m undermining myself, here. Erm, whoops. Ah, yes, well, green is wonderful. Do you agree? You should. Go green!
Is the question over? Yes? Thank God for that…
What are your thoughts on green readers? Yes. I actually asked that.
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