Sprouts?

Post 514

Brussels Sprouts. Green, crumply balls of hell. The second most divisive food in Britain after Marmite. Sprouts are the spawn of Satan and Spam. In a recent poll, sprouts tied with avocados as the fourth most hated food in the UK. If you are not British, you cannot understand how much this food divides this nation. There are many who fight in the name of love of this food and there are those who fight in the name of the eradication of this food. This disgusting, wretched, foul and bitter tasting sack of crap. Sprouts get a bad rap. And boy, those vile little cabbages deserve it…

I have tried all kinds, from frozen to cooked, with this and that, and every single time I reached the same conclusion. Quite simply, they are awful hoity-toity dinklecock. Did you hear about the man from Ayrshire? He was hospitalised after eating too many sprouts. They contain high amounts of Vitamin K, which interfered with the blood thinning medication that man was on. Doctors advise not to eat sprouts if you have a heart condition. You see, you see? Sprouts pray on the most vulnerable in society. It’s the Grim Reaper of food.

Sprouts are also well known to cause severe wind, second in ‘flatulence factor’ only to baked beans. And whilst they came in at number four in Britain’s most hated food, they came number one in the list of America’s most hated food. Many people hate them.

Yet some people clearly love sprouts. Linus Urabenec from Sweden holds the world record for the most sprouts eaten in one minute, an incredible 31. I’m pretty sure he’s now not allowed in the UK. Certainly nowhere near me, I hope. And Stuart Kettell recently climbed Mount Snowdon whilst rolling a sprout with his nose. Okay, it was for charity, but why not pick a food people like? That would get you more money, surely?

I just can’t understand any love for sprouts. But there may yet be a solution…

Recently, a team of scientists and local schoolchildren powered a Christmas tree in London using 1,000 sprouts. 1,000! I don’t care how, but it’s a great idea. Finding a better use for them. Burn them! There’s a great idea, too. Burn the buggers. Like they used to do with witches. Obviously, that’s frowned upon these days, but they say community spirit is dead, so why not relight that spirit with something else? Like sprout burning! It’s the least they deserve. Better yet, fire them all in to the Sun. What a great day that would be.

Yes, send them all in to the Sun and let them all burn in hell…

Ciao :)(:


Image: 1) A picture of Stuart Kettell rolling the sprout up Mount Snowdon with his nose [you might just be able to see the sprout]. For more information about this man and his endeavours, please visit: http://www.willthemadfoolmakeit.co.uk/index.html. The charity was Macmillan Cancer Support, and for more information about them, please visit: http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx


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Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Sunday
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