What Do You Think of Your Bottom?

Post 530

The human bum. An eternal source of wonder. Yet a British survey done in 2013 found that the caboose came in at only number eight in the top ten things men notice about a woman. ‘Eyes’ came in at number one, followed by ‘smile’ and then, obviously, ‘breasts’. Strangely, ‘skin’ was at number 10. How could you not notice that first? For women, the keister came in lower at number nine. Yet ‘skin’ came in higher at seven. The top two remained the same as in the male survey, ‘eyes’ at one and ‘smile’ at two. ‘Shape of face’ came in at eight. And ‘nose’ at 10. Gee, I never even considered my nose was being examined by the opposite sex. That’s alarming. But not as alarming as something else we discovered in this survey. In Britain, one in every 10 men has walked into a pole whilst looking at an attractive woman. I know, I agree, readers. It’s so stupid. I mean, why not take a photo?

Wikipedia tells us that many cultures use the bottom as a ‘safe target for corporal punishment’. Which sounds like an oxymoron, to me. The largest and most powerful muscles in the human body, the Gluteus Maximus, are located in the backside. In 2012, a rare species of horse fly was named ‘Scaptia beyonceae’, named after Beyoncé, supposedly because of its golden behind. Seriously. Why am I not surprised? And the Fitzroy River Turtle is capable of breathing out of its arse.

The word for a beautifully shaped butt is callipygian and the word for a hairy posterior is dasypygal, something you may witness if you see a victim of a pantsing or witness a mooning. Something I’ve never done. It’s too risky. Get the pants too low and you could really show off more than anyone wants to see…

There’s no denying the derrière is a big part of human sexuality. In fact, almost 10,000 people in the US in 2013 had surgical augmentation to give themselves the ‘perfect’ booty. And there may be good reason to seek out perfection. Many studies have found that women like being complimented most on their buns.

And who could forget the wedgie? It’s when ones underwear becomes entangled between the cheeks of the heinie. With women, it’s usually accidental, but with men, it’s more likely to be a deliberate act of menace. Which is bloody dangerous. 10-year-old Dave Mark had to have one of his testicles reattached after it was torn off during a ‘super wedgie’. True story. Pleasant dreams…

I genuinely believe there isn’t anyone who does not love the bedside table. What? Ah, okay, I admit it. I ran out of slang words. But what do I think of mine?

Do people have opinions of it? I’m sure women do. They could give you an essay on each part of their body. Which men love to hear, by the way. Men don’t seem to care about their bodies, do they? I can’t imagine hearing it down the pub. “Are you wearing mascara, Dave?” “Yeah, Mike, it accentuates my beautiful hazel eyes.” I’ve been told I have a nice bum by girls when I was younger. So if we believe them, I suppose mine is all right.

And I think that’s the best you’re gonna get from a man…

But what do you think of your bottom, readers?

Ciao :)(:

Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Sunday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post

Hark Around the Words
New Posts Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post


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