Why Are Ouija Boards Utter Bollocks?

Post 583

Do I need to translate for non-Brits? ‘Utter-bollocks’ is one of those British phrases that roughly translates as, ‘the biggest pile of nonsense imaginable, anywhere, in the entirety of this universe.’ Imagine a giant field, one half red, the other blue, split down the middle by a fence. And that fence is the line between being open-minded, the blue half, and accepting something science conclusively proved was utter gibberish eons ago, the red half. Ouija boards aren’t just in the red half, like a happy grazing sheep. They are a little dot on the horizon of that red half, like somebody put that happy sheep into a catapult and fired. Not that I’m condoning that. Unless it’s dying and wants to know what it’s like to fly, but how you’d figure that out, I don’t know…

The word ‘ouija’ is an amalgamation of the French and German words for ‘yes’, ‘oui’ and ‘ja’ respectively. Yes, yes. Slightly orgasmic, isn’t it? Hardly surprising, though. I imagine that was the reaction of the inventor when he realised how much money he was gonna make selling it to gullible idiots. “How much? Jesus Christ, really? Yes… Yes! Oh God, YES!”

It was invented in the 1890s and sold to Hasbro in 1966. It was originally a parlour game and had absolutely no connection to ghosts. No, that was a recent invention by someone who realised they could make a ton of money off those grieving by ‘contacting spirits’.

The reason they move is because of the ideomotor effect. People around the board subconsciously move the planchette without ever knowing they are doing it. Because they aren’t aware of what they’re doing, they naturally assume it is completely ludicrous and scientifically impossible creations such as ghosts and spirits.

They’re not even accurate. If you use a ouija board a hundred times, mathematically speaking, it will only ever give you vague answers maybe once or twice. And because of the ideomotor effect, people are more likely to spell out simple names that are very common. ‘Ben’ instead of ‘Rihanna’. Someone is bound to know a ‘Ben’. In fact, you have a one in a billion chance of getting an accurate profile of a person that matches historical records.

If the spirits were really contacting us, why would we need to touch the board? If you blindfolded all the participants, it is 99% guaranteed that what you spell out would be total gibberish. Only 1% of the time will you come up with a real word. If we could contact the dead, why not contact famous scientists or the murdered to find out who killed them? All we ever hear from these boards are common queries such as, ‘How’s grandma doing?’ Well, she’s dead, so, not well.

It’s very easy to be lured in by the appeal of contacting a recently departed loved one, but you can’t and never will be able to. Science doesn’t lie. Death is a part of life. You must accept that and move on. Stop wasting your time with all this supernatural gubbins and learn to live and love life once again. That’s what your loved one would want. Not you bothering them. No one is saying there isn’t an afterlife, just that the dead cannot be contacted by a bloody ouija board.

Why are ouija boards utter bollocks? It’s the most obvious answer in the universe.

They just are…

Ciao :)(:


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Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Sunday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post

Hark Around the Words
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