Baldness. That thing men fear most. That isn’t an unexpected dysfunction. The slow decline of our youth giving way to the ravages of age. One morning, you’re youthful and hunky, and the next, your hair is strewn across your pillow. It’s then one’s deepest fears set in. You’re now an old man. One that would look, in my case at least, incredibly weird. I have a very odd shaped head. But is going bald the worst thing that can happen to a man? Or is it something to be embraced and, p’raps, something one should do by choice?
For a start, I love my hair. I adore it. The shiny long flowing locks, now well beyond my shoulder line, are as smooth as silk and radiate a hundred shades of brown. Losing it would be, quite frankly, nothing short of a catastrophe, for me. But I had better get used to the idea of losing it. Baldness runs in the family, after all. So what are the pros and cons of being bald?
The ‘pros’ are ridiculously small in number. There’s less hassle, I suppose. No more brushing, conditioning, combing, shampooing or trips to the hairdressers. Therefore, showering would take less time. You’d save a heck of a lot of water. Another pro is that no one will ever discover you’re going grey, another bane of a man’s life. And one great pro of baldness is that you’re far more aerodynamic. Could be an advantage…
One major con would be the look. Many baldies look like skinheads or axe murderers, and some look like they’re on chemo, especially if they’re as skinny and pale as I am. And the winter months would be hell. You’ll be much colder bald and in the summer, with no resistance, sweat would pour from one’s head like a waterfall. And you’d be sunburned quite badly, too. And I haven’t even mentioned nicking yourself whilst shaving, something that happens pretty much all the time. There’s also social stigma against baldies – many don’t treat them very kindly. And the women issue would be too much to contemplate. Many studies have found that women are attracted least to a bald man and most to a man with a full head of hair. And there’s something else, too. The bald often say that they have to deal with pillow marks on their heads the next day. That can’t be good.
There’s nothing wrong with being bald or choosing to go bald. If that’s what you want, then so be it. Although tell your girlfriend or wife beforehand, because guys, believe me, if you do not have a two hour conversation with her about it and you just do it, she will kill you. But the same doesn’t apply to her. You can’t tell a woman what to do with her hair. Women do what they want with it and you have to like it. But if you do something to your hair and you don’t tell the girlfriend or wife – oh, boy, it was nice knowing you. Hey, it’s not sexist, readers, when it’s a fact. It’s ridiculous. But that’s not the point…
For my logical brain, there are far more cons to pros regarding going bald. That’s how I would make such a decision. And yes, sorting my hair out – straightening, shampooing, conditioning – does take a lot of time, but I don’t care. I love my hair. And knowing my family, I won’t have it forever. Plus, I have an incredibly weird and oddly shaped head. Nobody needs to see that.
So no, I wouldn’t go bald by choice and yes, I am terrified of the day it happens naturally.
But would you go bald by choice, readers?
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