Who Is the Easter Bunny?

Post 636

Yes, what better time to shine the spotlight on Easter than in the depths of winter. Hey, originally, the Easter Bunny brought gifts to children on the night before Easter, much like Santa Claus. A little known fact is that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Jack Frost, Rumpelstiltskin and Bluebeard once were a superhero team, like the Avengers or the Justice League, but more like the Expendables. They called themselves The Fedoras of Folklore, a name that the Grinch came up with shortly before he was fired. The group was hugely successful, but, sadly, it all went tits up after Mr. Scrooge, the guardsman of their top-secret layer, fell asleep on the job. The evil Bogeyman got in and it was a slaughter, readers. Only the Easter Bunny survived. They had developed a ‘Bogeyman Ray Gun’ that would’ve killed the Bogeyman, but the Great Pumpkin had it and he was nowhere to be seen…

German Lutherans were the ones who came up with the Easter Hare, a judge who evaluated whether children had been good or disobedient at the start of Eastertide. The Hare was chosen as it was a popular symbol of the church back then. The hare was commonly associated with the Virgin Mary because many believed the hare was a hermaphrodite, and therefore could reproduce without loss of virginity. I’m genuinely not making this up. You couldn’t make it up, could you?

Spring is seen as the time of fertility and new beginnings, and so the legend naturally changed from hares to rabbits, because rabbits love a bit of coitus. They are prolific breeders. They can give birth to several litters every year. And they love to do it around springtime. Fertility. Spring. Hare. Horny rabbits. You can see how the Easter Bunny came to be.

Eggs come into the equation because Orthodox churches abstained from eating eggs during the Lent Fast, and they ate them at the end of the fast. To celebrate, they decorated them. To this day, some Orthodox churches dye their Easter eggs red to symbolise the blood of Christ. It’s said in Northwest European folklore that good children received colourfully decorated eggs in nests they made in their caps and bonnets. I imagine this isn’t observed. I mean, what kind of child still wears a bonnet nowadays? What would a little girl use these days? Her Gucci handbag?

Chocolate bunnies were created to celebrate the season, and yes, it was the Germans, once more, who came up with the idea. They made them and then hid them for children to find. The reason these chocolate bunnies are hollow is because of cocoa rationing during the Second World War. Also Germany’s fault…

Who is the Easter Bunny? Well, I could go for a really wholesome and trippy answer and say that we’re all the Easter Bunny, which yes, makes no sense whatsoever, but will please any hippies reading. But the reality of the situation is a simple one – the Easter Bunny came from the humble horny rabbit.

Well, as humble as a horny rabbit can be…

Ciao :)(:

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Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Saturday
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