What better way to celebrate the 660th post on this blog than by shining the spotlight on a question we’ve all thought about. Could you survive being eaten by a whale? Now, whilst – what? Oh, you haven’t thought about this question before? Ah, right. A bit of history, then. There once was a prophet named Jonah. He was sent by God to go preach somewhere, but he didn’t like the people he had to preach to, so he didn’t bother. He decided to hop onboard a ship and get as far away as possible. Presumably thinking that he could escape God. Jonah wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box. God caused a huge storm that rocked the ship. When the sailors found out about what Jonah had done, they were well pissed off. Nobly, Jonah offered to throw himself overboard to save the crew. The men refused! Once. Briefly. Quietly. Maybe. Then they did it. Jonah was eaten by a great fish, and survived three days and three nights inside its belly, before the great fish vomited him out at God’s request. In The Simpson’s version of this story, Jonah died. As Bart said, “Jonah! You died how you lived. Inside a whale.” So which is true? Could we survive inside a whale? Yes, this is today’s question. Deal with it…
Countless folks online claim it to be true. That countless people have survived this scenario. But the internet is largely bullshit. About 70%. 10% is porn. 5% is good stuff. The rest is cake. True fact. I’m going to be pedantic. The Bible only says ‘great fish’ and this has been interpreted as ‘whale’, but there are many types of whale. The oesophagus of many whales are simply too tiny. They may be big animals, but they only eat tiny creatures a few inches in diameter. I mean, maybe a tiny child could fit inside the oesophagus of a blue whale, but that’s just cruel. For the whale. Children aren’t that nutritious.
Killer whales and sperm whales – now, they are a different story. They eat seals. And squid. And other human sized things. They could eat a human quite easily, although we’re usually not on their dinner plate. Like cows, they have four stomach chambers. Full of digestive enzymes that are like acid, that would slowly, and painfully, corrode your skin. Plus, there’s not really a great deal of oxygen inside these creatures. There’s quite a bit of methane, though. Not very good for humans, that one.
Humans are almost certainly too bony for these types of whale, however. They’d probably regurgitate our clunky human frames rather quickly, meaning that we could survive for a short time, in the fervent hope they’d throw us up, but we couldn’t survive, erm, going, erm, ‘all the way through’. Ew. Of course, an act of God may save you, but I wouldn’t count on it.
In fact, in reality, Jonah most likely would’ve been tossed around in the stormy sea so much that he would’ve been rendered unconscious, which would’ve been good for him when the sharks arrived…
The real message of the story of Jonah is a simple one:
Don’t trust strange sailors.
Aye, that’s it…
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The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Saturday
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Hark Around the Words
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