Candles or Light Bulbs?

Post 691

Oh, really? This is today’s question? You’re having me on Julius, right? Oh, yes, I still talk to Julius. I haven’t mentioned him in… oh, Jesus, 445 posts. 445! Bloody hell. Well, I guess that means newer readers don’t know who he is. He was a hobo. A fictional one. That I kept in my basement. Who mined the internet for questions for this blog. He even guest wrote a post, once. But readers felt like he was being mistreated so I quietly dropped him. I thought I’d save him for a day when I get a question so unremittingly stupid that I can wheel him out again with a lovely back-story that might cheer up readers with exceedingly long memories. But I wouldn’t do that. I’m sure you’re not interested to hear about that lottery ticket he found and won, and that base he built on the Moon with his winnings and fled to with his harem of lovers and his pet space chimp, Ally. Hang on, that’s my name. Oh, that git. But no, let’s instead talk about candles and light bulbs! Yes. Let’s. Nearly 700 posts, I mean, I have to mine the internet for questions now and I’m no Julius. I miss my fictional hobo. Ah, well, onwards and upwards, as they say…

Let me tell you a tale of what a candle is. If you don’t know what a candle is, this paragraph will be hugely entertaining to you. If you do, skip to the next paragraph. A candle is an ignitable wick embedded in wax. They provide light, fragrance and heat. These mighty little heroes struggled in the modern world and nowadays they’re mainly used for aesthetic purposes, in emergencies, for religious or ritual reasons, and to create an ambience, which I think is that thing that takes you to the hospital…

It’s at this point I’d like to say a fond hello to those who skipped the last paragraph, and a congratulations to those who actually read it. Well done. I’m now going to talk about light bulbs, but if you know what they are, skip to the next paragraph. I don’t understand light bulbs. I mean, I know they are an oddly shaped glass dome ‘thing’ with a wire inside and then magic happens and they light up, but how that happens remains a mystery to me. These funny little things are officially known as ‘incandescent bulbs’, which means that they shine brightly, not that they are really, really mad…

Oh, hello skippers! Welcome back. Now, candles versus light bulbs. This isn’t very interesting either, so you might want to skip a paragraph. Burning wax is hugely inefficient. Plus, candles don’t produce a lot of light. They also produce soot and are really environmentally unfriendly. The eco-credentials of candles are also dented by the fact that they are made from petroleum. And they’re a fire risk. All that said, light bulbs do contain phosphors and mercury, and if either of those two things touches your skin, I’d say your goodbyes. It’s difficult to work out which is better because there are a lot of variables and complex mathematics, but, in general, one seems more beneficial than the other.

Hi, again, to those who skipped the last paragraph. And the one before. And… the one before that. Light bulbs. That’s what you wanted to know, isn’t it? And to think, I’ve saved you so much time. Instead of reading all my drivel, you’ve come straight to the end to get an obvious answer to a question nobody asked. Light bulbs, quite easily, kick candles’ arses. I know they don’t have arses, but it’s a metaphor, so I hope you can live with it…

Ah, thank God that’s over. I’m off for a lie down…

Ciao :)(:


I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You can leave a comment and/or like this post below, or by clicking the title on the top of this post if you are on the ‘Archives’ page. Likes and follows greatly appreciated. Thanks.


Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

The Indelible Life of Me
New Post Every Saturday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post

Hark Around the Words
New Post Every Sunday
Click Here to Read the Latest Post


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