What Is the Point of Garlic?

Post 697

Garlic. Even the word sends shivers of depression down one’s spine. It’s as French as baguettes. Stripy tops. Unshaven women. And offensive stereotypes that the British keep perpetuating because they are incredibly funny. And also fairly accurate. Hey, I’ve been there. The amount of snail eating was alarming, readers. Everywhere I went – oh, those, poor, poor snails. Bless them. They’re with the angels, now. It’s funny to think that garlic isn’t even French in origin. We don’t know where it’s from exactly, but we know it certainly wasn’t France. I don’t know why they have a perception of a nation addicted to garlic. Perhaps it has something to do with its pungent flavour. Maybe that’s what the French taste like. I don’t know for sure, though. I haven’t eaten one yet…

Well, let’s start by getting some things out of the way. There are garlic lovers out there, and I need to address all three of them. Yes, you’re right, garlic does lower cholesterol. However, the common belief that it also lowers blood pressure and reduces cardiovascular related deaths is inconclusive. But it does decrease the risk of stomach cancer in Koreans. So, that’s some swell news for all you Korean garlic lovers out there.

It’s not all good, though. It causes bad breath and gives our body odour a ‘garlicky’ smell. It can also irritate our skin if we rub it on it. Apparently, some think this helps our skin become all beautiful and youthful, but that is total and utter bullshit. Doing this will actually burn our skin, so, yeah, don’t do it. Wikipedia also informs me that ‘insertion of raw garlic into body cavities is discouraged’. Well, blimey, I never knew that…

Throughout history, garlic has been used across Europe for protection and to ward off daemons, werewolves and vampires. It’s mentioned 21 times in Bram Stoker’s ‘Dracula’. Garlic is a traditional New Year’s display in places such as Iran and Afghanistan. And in Hinduism and Jainism, garlic is supposed to stimulate one’s desires. Yes. Well, you know the old saying. The ladies love the garlic.

April 19 is National Garlic Day, and one really must ask ‘why’. It tastes disgusting, right? I mean, completely and utterly bloody awful. It feels awful. It looks awful. It makes us cry. And it was used to ward off vampires! VAMPIRES! Good gravy, actual, living vampires! If they’re frightened by it, then surely this is the final nail in the coffin for garlic. The most pointless of fruits. Or vegetables. It’s so pointless I can’t even be bothered looking that up…

But do you like garlic, readers?

Ciao :)(:

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Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other two blogs:

The Indelible Life of Me
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