‘I’m gonna live forever,’ once sang Irene Cara. However, Bon Jovi once sang, ‘I aint gonna live forever.’ Of which we’re all extremely grateful. So who is right? Well, we certainly can’t live forever. Jean Calment was the oldest verified human, living to 122 years of age. That is remarkable, isn’t it? 122! To think, if I lived to that grand old age, I’d live to the year 2112. I’d live to see the time capsule in Wellingborough opened. Ooh. And I’d also get to see the Oldbury Nuclear Power Station decommissioned. I mean… who wouldn’t want to be alive to witness those two things, huh? Sigh. There is no maximum life span, of course, but many believe anything over 115 is pretty good. Some put our maximum at 125. Some even think that, with advancing technologies, there is a ‘high probability’ that those born in 2010 will live to 2160. Imagine that. 2160! In that year, Easter will fall on a Monday. Four day weekend! Five, if you’re Irish. St. Patrick’s Day will have to be moved to Wednesday. They’ll be pleased as punch with that. Of course, what if you could live forever? Immortality. Something that, currently, only the immortal jellyfish can experience. Appropriately named. But we can’t ask it what immortality is like, can we? It might be immortal, but it’s not very intelligent. Like me! Oh, I made myself a bit sad, there…
Well, let’s start with the obvious. If one were immortal, everything you love and cherish would wilt away and die leaving you miserable, broken, suicidal and depressed. Happy Tuesday, everyone! This is a really glum week of questions, isn’t it? I promise, the next one isn’t pants. Well, it is, but you’ll find out what I mean then. This is an issue, of course. You’d have to isolate yourself and/or make sure you didn’t get too close to people. It’s a difficult choice to make, but it’s the only way you could live forever and be happy. This would be an easy task for someone like me, who famously hates most people…
So what would one do to fill the time? Many would read. There are thousands of books. But I hate reading. It’s awful, kids. Play your video games instead. Much better. I also don’t like video games. Many would travel the world and yes, this is enticing. There are so many places I’d love to visit and there’s no way I’d get to see them all in a lifetime. I’d have that opportunity, finally, to explore the world. Sadly, I do get a touch airsick. And seasick. And I do get motion sickness caused by quite a few other things, too. Choo-choos, for example. And yeah, I could walk, but I’m not very healthy. Heck, getting up the stairs is a struggle. Plus, I’m a practical man. You might live forever, but you still need shelter and food. And sex. Lots and lots of sex. Where are you going to get all this from? You need money to travel the world. Yet you can’t settle down because people will grow suspicious. “Is it just me, or is he 293-years-old…”
Knowledge is power, so many would choose to learn as much as they could. But we need parameters, here. Do you age? Does your brain age and therefore falter? Hmm? It all depends, really. One’s brain might not be able to retain information the older you get. God only knows what you’d look like aged a million. A giant blob, probably. In a jar. With a fancy label on it. I like labels.
A really good idea that I love, albeit one that’s impossible at the moment, but, then again, so is immortality, is exploring the universe. That would be fantastic. Imagine if you launched from Earth on a rocket now, in 2017. Where the hell would you be in a million years time? Gosh, that would be a good movie. ‘The Adventures of the Immortal Man Who Travels through Space.’ It writes itself, really. I’d be played by Bruce Willis, obviously…
Of course, there is an interesting point to make here. If one is immortal, does that mean one can’t die? Ah, it’s those funny old parameters, again! Imagine all the crazy shit I could do and get away with it! ‘I’ll just stroll into a bank, rob it blind and stroll out. If you want to shoot me, cops, go right ahead…’ Lovely. Of course, the downside here is that they could still capture me, so I’d also need to get real good at escaping from prison.
And there’s one other thing to consider, too. By what mechanism did I become immortal? Was it my own doing and, if so, could I make others immortal? My dream girl, immortal with I, together forever. Aww. Isn’t that sweet? I suppose. I mean, we all get sick of our loved ones now and then, so there is a danger you’d end up throttling each other, but I’m sure she’d appreciate that you’d made her immortal. Erm, probably.
How would I spend eternity if I were immortal? Blimey. I’d like to explore space. Just head out and never turn back. See the alien stars. Meet new life. See the most unimaginable of things. It would be marvellous and my idea of heaven. I still don’t know what I’d do for food, mind, or… sex, now I think about it. Fingers crossed for some sexy Orion girls…
But if you could live forever, how would you spend eternity, readers?
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