Would You Visit Earth-18?

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At the centre of the beating heart of the world of DC Comics is the multiverse, and trying to figure it out is about as easy as trying to figure out how feet work. Imagine the Earth is a blue marble. Now imagine you have lots of green marbles. Now scatter those marbles across and around the blue marble. That’s the multiverse. Lots of Earths in lots of fictional universes often interacting with one another and affecting one another in a way that makes one’s brain turn to mush. Some of them don’t even have names, in which case, I’ll step in and give them names, like Earth-Horace. Anywho, today we’re taking a trip to Earth-18. This is a steampunk world trapped in the Wild West. The year is 1873 and the world is frozen both culturally and technologically by the machinations of a villain known as the Time Trapper. Utilising ingenuity and modern takes on old technology, the Justice Riders serve to protect this fragile ancient time from the villainy that befalls it. They are the original superheroes. They even invented the telegraph internet. I have no idea how it works or why it would be even remotely useful to anyone, but there we are…

We’re in the typical old time Wild West small town. The ramshackle wooden buildings running down a main street with the usual affair, the town jail and the saloon with the piano playing tunes from yesteryear. That town was Paradise, and its Marshall was Diana Prince. Sadly, one day, Paradise came under attack by the evil Professor Felix Faust, who was, obviously, an alcoholic sorcerer who had a penchant for mayhem. That would be my supervillain name, by the way. “Oh no, here comes Penchant for Mayhem!” Tee, he, he…

Faust murdered Sherriff Oberon, Prince’s mentor. And she was not a happy bunny. She vowed VENGEANCE upon Faust and retribution for all the townspeople killed in the attack. She decided to assemble a team of avengers. Wally West as Kid Flash, a gunslinger with the fastest of reflexes and Katar Johnson as Hawkman, who can fly with artificial wings. Of course, this team of avengers called themselves the Justice Riders for legal reasons.

Together, they set out on the hunt for Maxwell Lord, a railway baron with dimes to spare, whom Faust worked for. Lord sent his cronies to hunt down the Riders before they got to him, but the Riders were saved by Michael Carter as Booster Gold, a mercenary with the most powerful of guns invented by the eccentric Ted Kord, otherwise known as Blue Beetle. And, much like with the Yellow Brick Road, they joined the troupe and carried on toward the home of Lord, El Inferno. That doesn’t sound rosy. It doesn’t sound rosy at all.

On their journey they were joined by J’onn Jones, an alien, no less. And they did battle. And battle they did hard. That made more sense in my head. It was the Justice Riders versus Lord and his mechanical soldiers. Suddenly, they were attacked by the naffest sounding weapon in the history of comics. None other than the ‘Lordevestor.’ I mean… good gravy. This war machine, however, didn’t stand up to Prince and her might and she duly destroyed it. Lord, in the final epic showdown, revealed he destroyed Paradise and several other small towns to pave the way for a railroad to transport his war machines across America in a ploy to… takeover the world! Mwa, ha, ha, ha…

The team disbanded shortly after, with Prince riding off into the sunset to rebuild the town of Paradise. This might be the Wild West, but it’s a frontier with threats still haunting it. This world still needed its heroes, and, one day, long after the original Justice Riders had gone, a new band of heroes rose up to protect this new Paradise, still trapped in time.

Using whatever technology they could muster, these new Justice Riders set about banishing the Wild West of its troublemakers, the new protectors of humanity. But just who were this new band of merry heroes, ready to take on such a hefty mantle?

This team is led by Super-Chief, otherwise known as Flying Stag, a huge muscular man with… the head of a stag. Or is it a wolf? It’s a bit hard to tell. In any case, it’s a huge hairy horned bonce atop the most ripped of bodies you’re ever likely to see. Probably why he doesn’t wear a shirt. Sadly, the other members aren’t anywhere near as cool. Let me introduce you to Cinnamon.

Yes, in this world, there is a superhero named… Cinnamon. I mean, it’s up there with Mister Terrific in the pantheon of all time crappest superhero names, it really is. Still, she’s a badass mother. She rides a mechanical horse, a gun-for-hire with tough fighting street skills. Someone you’d certainly want by your side. Then there’s Firehair, a superb athlete who… also rode a mechanical horse. But he is also an expert marksman, ‘unequalled with a bow and arrow.’ Then there’s Bat Lash, who… also rode a mechanical horse. Considered an outlaw by the state and federal governments. Oh, then there’s El Diablo. He’s very good with guns. There’s really nothing more to this man, apart from the fact he was nearly killed by bank robbers in his former life as a bank teller, then was struck by lightning, then brought back from the dead by a Wise Owl, who then decided to posses him with a demon that only emerges when he’s asleep. As I said, nothing that interesting…

This is a big team. Johnny Thunder is another member. Also good with guns. So good in fact that he can draw his six shooters and make them sound like thunder, hence his name. He also has a mechanical horse. Then there’s the Trigger Twins, Wayne and Walt, who, predictably, are also good with guns. And then there was Strong Bow, nothing to do with the booze, but a fella really good with a bow and arrow. You are fairly limited as to what you can do with superheroes in the Wild West. That said…

We also have Tomahawkman. A frontiersman recruited by George Washington as a scout and spy for his army during the Revolutionary War. He now spends his time as part of the Riders, and, as you’d expect, is rather good with a gun. A superior rifleman, no less, as well as a great scout and tracker, not to mention rather good as a hand to hand fighter. He can also fly. Almost forgot to mention that.

We also have Madame 44 Calibre, who… is also rather good with guns. She also has a mechanical horse and the Bracelets of Submission, a nifty pair of indestructible steel cuffs, as well as a darling Lasso of Truth, a magical golden… rope. One assumes she got these from Prince, as she was known for these. Prince was going to give Madame her invisible train, but she couldn’t find it…

Lastly, there was Pow-Wow Smith, an expert marksman with both a gun and a bow. He is a superior horseman too, and has expert tracking abilities. He has a real horse. This is an eclectic world, one I would love to visit, but only after all the crap with Lord had come to an end. I can just picture it, now. This wonderful old-timey Wild West town, small in size and named Paradise. Imagine going there on a summer’s day. Walking around town, you’d see the heroes going about their daily jobs. Whether it’s the new Sheriff, Madame .44, or Firehair teaching the young about the bow and arrow, or Cinnamon working in Ye Olde Starbucks. I find it magical and rather appealing. There’s something wonderful about the Wild West being protected by a rag-tag bunch of heroes cobbled together in the name of good doing.

So yes, I would, of course, love a day out on Earth-18…

Ciao :)(:


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The Indelible Life of Me
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