Who Am I?

Hello, friends. You can call me Ally. I am 27 years of age and I live in a largish town in the northeast of England. I know you’re dying to know more about me, but, really, I spend my time doing as little as possible. So consumed by my social anxiety, logic, and the never ending quest for the perfect bacon sandwich, there’s little room for much else in this little existence of mine…

I do enjoy my photography, must be said, but mostly, I try my hardest to flicker away each second waiting for the glorious day I shuffle this mortal coil and end up being dumped in the nearest landfill. With my largely bacon only diet… I’m actually surprised I’ve made it this far.

Apart from blanking out the screams of my ever increasingly blocked arteries, I don’t do much else. I love my photography. I have a weird obsession with Excel spreadsheets, including one particularly dark chapter in my life when I built my own searchable thesaurus that I’ve never used since. I love stuffing as much food as humanly possible into my mouth. Oh, and I also enjoy vacuuming. I’m left handed, with some things, like writing, and right handed with other things, like guitar, and right handed with some things but left handed with others depending on the situation. I can only cut with a knife in my right hand but can only butter with a knife in my left hand. I’m a bit odd like that. Oh, and of course, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but if you’re in the Teesside area and are incredibly desperate and have lost the will to live, give me a call. It’s 10 seconds you won’t regret. For very long…

I attended a secondary school for five years. Spent most of it rebelling and flunking. I did get an A in art, though. I then went to college. I flunked most of that, too. Did get an A-level in art. I then tried to get into university, at which point it probably comes as no surprise to learn I didn’t get in. I did go to another college and got a BTEC National Diploma in… yes, art again. I did nothing with these grades, spending six years on unemployment benefits, until, on one snowy day at the end of November, 2017, I finally gained employment as a graphic designer for a small, yet perfectly formed, company.

What do I look like? Hmm. Very skinny. Sorta John Lennon crossed with a rich hobo. Around 10 stone in weight and of Italian-Irish decent, so… I do look a bit like a very pasty Italian. My most prized feature is my long hair, brushed over the top of my head. It is famed for its pearly lustre, the rainbow of shades of brown it’s made up of, and its gnarly bounce. As you can tell, my hair is close to my heart. Almost as much as the tidal wave of fat…

I would like to point out that I am a man. MALE! This is because of some confusion that crops up now and again, not just online, but also in my day to day life. I’m fairly certain I don’t look like a woman. But I’ve never worn make up before or a dress, so I can’t be completely certain.

I also can’t swim or ride a bike. It’s not relevant, but it’s cropped up rather a lot over the years, for some reason…

So why have I created this blog? It was originally created to fill the gap between my other once weekly blog, The Indelible Life of Me, but it has since expanded into its own fun little jaunt.

Every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, I answer a variety of random questions I have found from all over the internet and the occasional question from my brain. Questions about collection habits, philosophy, what colour my carpet is, personality traits, personal beliefs and everything in-between. It’s incredibly random, is the point.

Whilst this blog may never win any points or prizes for being the greatest blog in the whole of the universe, it’s my hope that it wins some credibility for its originality. And sexiness.

But what could you, readers, gain from all these random questions? Well, you may choose to ponder them throughout your day, maybe on the way to work, and think about your very own answer or even how incredibly stupid my answer was (likely to be the latter, to be honest). Or you could consider the questions as ‘food for thought’. Not all the time, obviously, as discovering what colour is my carpet isn’t particularly thoughtful. Or you could even use all these questions as a way to get to know a complete stranger. As you do. Whatever your reasons, I hope you enjoy your visit.

If you wish to leave a comment, leave one below. If you’d like to send me a private, personal message, head to the ‘Contact Me’ page and I’ll get the message as an email. If you want me to contact you back, you’ll need to put your email address in the message.

Thank you for reading.

Yours,
Ally.

 

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