They say we should dance like no one is watching. But what if you were to dance as if no one is watching? Without judgment, some may pick their nose. But I argue this is a dangerous endeavour. Especially when you go at it too hard and end up scraping off a chunk of cartilage. Trust me, it’s a bloody mess. Sure, you might do it in the comfort of your own home. But imagine the horror if you were on a date. Especially if it’s not your nose you’re picking…
I find myself in embarrassing situations a lot. It’s how I acquired the nickname ‘Captain Embarrassment’. The identity of those who gave me that nickname will remain a mystery, but they know who they are.
What if no one judged me? Now that’s an intriguing question! If I knew that no one was judging me, I could pursue my wildest dreams and take risks without hesitation. I could embrace my true self. Express my thoughts and feelings. And explore uncharted territories without fear of criticism.
I could do those things. It could be liberating to live a life free from the shackles of judgment. So what would I do?
There are many options, dear reader.
Some people might choose to dance like no one is watching, while others may opt for being more honest.
“What’s that? You want me to go out with you tonight? Oh, I won’t be able to join you as I’m already in my pyjamas…”
I could scream from the rooftops about how awesome I am. Even though I’m not awesome in the slightest. I could talk to other people, something I avoid doing now. I’m a bit shy, you see. I have thoughts too, you know! Not great ones, granted. But in a world without judgment, I might be more outgoing.
I might not be a 34-year-old virgin, but that said, I’d still be one ugly man…
I could speak my mind. Or I’d wander around in public in my Spanx. I could grow a douchey goatee. Or leave the rat race behind to escape to a cabin in the woods. Far from the hustle and bustle of annoying people. Which is everyone.
I’d moan more often! Or I could change the way I dress. I’ve always fancied wearing a pink fedora. I’d walk around in public topless when it’s hot. Or I could take up drinking. What about farting in public? I despise the agony of suppressing a massive fart. Allowing it to escape in relative silence. It’s unbearable!
I could spend my time splashing in puddles. Or I could shout at kids who aren’t mine. Quiet down, you! You’ve been sobbing for 10 minutes straight! I want a peaceful bus journey home! IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK! HUSH, NOW!
I could sing in the shower! The glass shower screen has no say in the matter. It wouldn’t dare shatter on me. I’d say the logic behind that is pretty solid. What if I skip everywhere? The ultimate way to get around. Or I could take off my trousers at work. It’s not sexual, don’t worry. It’s that as you grow older, you reach a point where you prefer not to wear trousers. What?
I could hit the gym in this non-judgmental world without hesitation. No need to worry about anyone mocking my penis. I could experiment with smiling more often. Or I could rock a cape. They were always so cool! It’s a shame they’re not as popular anymore.
Or I can go fat gracefully…
But in a world without judgment, I’d keep on doing what I’ve always done.
You might say it’s a wasted opportunity, but I disagree.
I learned a long time ago that no matter what I do, people will always have something awful to say about me. The key is not to give a shit. What others think of you is irrelevant. The only opinion that matters is the one you have of yourself. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Letting people judge you and feeling bad about it gives agency to those people’s awful opinions. Who cares if they hate you? Why do you NEED everyone to love you? The people who love you love you for who you are. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant. Rise above their nonsense, I say.
In a world without judgment, I will be who I’ve always been.
A mild, if delightful, nuisance.
Ciao :)(:
Post 1,912: But how would your life be different if no one judged you, reader?
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