Steeped in myth and folklore for hundreds of years, Louisiana’s steamy, mud-mired swamps are said to be home to many a strange beast, but perhaps none are stranger than the Grunch. Canine and reptilian, a Chupacabra monstrosity with glowing eyes, the head of a goat and hoofed feet. In his fearsome jaws, formidable teeth, at the tips of his hands, wicked claws. And one mean attitude. Surrounded by a dreadful stench, imbued with the capability to instil great fear upon anyone brave enough to gaze into its long, dead eyes. Its ear-piercing howls silence the nightly rhythms of New Orleans. But this is no internet borne curiosity, but a long-held fear. The Grunch is not a millennial fabrication, but a story as old as the city itself, going all the way back to the roots of La Nouvelle-Orléans…
1718. The French founded La Nouvelle-Orléans, a colony created by the French Mississippi Company under the orders of one Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne de Bienville. He named his new colony after Philippe II, Duke of Orléans, the regent at the time. In 1803, under the Louisiana Purchase, the colony was sold to the Americans. Soon, it burst into a life of colour and sound, a bustling port bursting at the seams with American, Creole and French influence. River boats and ships flooded the Mississippi – the rhythm of life was electric, a close-knit and safe community for black people in the age of discrimination. But with all the prosperity came stories. Strange stories. Strange stories of strange creatures, lurking in the underbelly of New Orleans. The immigrants had arrived and with them, the story of the Grunch was born.
Look… out there. In the misty swamps, the dark and foreboding mystery of untold wonder and untold darkness. Amongst the haze a monster, a remote being of unimaginable horror. Everyone in the early days of New Orleans had a story to tell. One man told a tale passed down through indigenous tribes, a tale of a passage through the swamp, to tame the untameable wilderness. The passage wound on and on, leading to a small camp of social outcasts and ‘freaks’. Deformed, disabled, small, and albino, an eclectic cast of characters. They bred and inbred, giving birth to an abomination that would go on to stalk the swamps, the creature named after the passage, the infamous Grunch Road.
Yet another tale tells the story of a notorious Voodoo priestess, one named Marie Laveau. It’s said she castrated another bizarre entity, one named the Devil Baby. But when its castrated testicles hit the floor, they morphed like a Gremlin into two new creatures, a female and male Grunch – BANG! They launched for Marie, cutting her down, and ran off into the wilderness to wreak havoc for the rest of time. Marie is a famed legend of New Orleans herself. She was real, so powerful and respected that many prestigious members of society – from judges to politicians – often met with her for consultation. Much of the early legislation for the state of Louisiana was decided at Marie’s door, its laws and its future given to the hands of the mother of the Grunch.
Voodoo was a potent force in New Orleans at the time. This is said to have given the Grunch its infamous powers. Marie only just survived the assault, covered in bruises, cuts and bites. But not all believe she created the Grunch. In yet another tale, the Grunch was created by worshippers of Satan, who sold their souls to the devil to conjure a daemon named the Grunch, to be used as a protector. In some traditions, a human can be turned into a Grunch by being bitten by one. Whatever the origin, the Grunch folklore took hold…
Sometimes the Grunch is reptilian. Simian. Canine. Even goat-like, or a combination. Around four feet tall, completely covered in leathery skin or scales. It’s what’s blamed when livestock and pets go missing in Louisiana. Many creatures have been found with a puncture wound in their necks and all their blood drained. And perhaps most terrifying of all, it loves to hide in the long grass, waiting to POUNCE. At which point, the Grunch will drag you into its swamp and drown you.
Even the disappearances of humans have been blamed on this fabled creature, never to be seen again. But the Grunch is no wild animal. It’s said to be rather human, perhaps lending credence to the offspring of ‘freaks’ theory. It can open doors and use tools – some even claim it can ‘phase’ through walls. Whilst its most famous feature is its wolf-like howl, or even a banshee scream or the scream of an ape, when alarmed, some even claim it speaks in a low growl.
Grunch Road is long gone. Scant shells and overgrown woods, with the odd great tall water oak are all that’s left. It vanishes into the darkness – strange lights, odd encounters, disconnected cries into the long night, all continue to be reported to this very day. Evidence remains anecdotal. But sightings still come in – one woman in Louisiana said very recently she reported seeing a Grunch eating one of her neighbour’s dogs, whilst sanitation workers are sure of the Grunch being the thing they see rifling through the garbage, to which no-one has ever explained. Even in the darkness, they claim to see it chasing their trucks and once more, nobody has ever offered any kind of explanation. The Grunch, it seems, continues to intrigue.
All across Louisiana, you’ll find thousands of people who claim to have seen the Grunch. Since Hurricane Katrina, many Louisianans refuse to leave their pets in the yard, believing the Grunches to have been displaced across the state. Strange creatures have been seen chasing cats, creatures no-one can explain. Hurricane Katrina really did re-ignite the ancient belief.
One woman was driving through the devasted state in the dark, not lit because the lights were gone. There, in the road ahead, she saw what she thought was a dog, but it was no dog. She stopped to have a look and there, a figure hunched over. Reptilian and frightened. “This thing looked like some sort of lizard-like cross between a monkey and bulldog. It was horrible,” she said. “It was shuffling along with a lopsided gait and seemed to be so unnatural that I could feel the hairs on my neck stand up. It had greyish scaly skin and a snouted face that looked to be a cross between that of an ape and an alligator… as I approached it, it stopped and puffed up to stand on two legs… looking at me with those baleful eyes and then it emitted the most unpleasant hiss I could imagine, after which it sort of lunged at me as I passed! Let me tell you, I was well on my way after that…”
Many dismiss the Grunch as pure folklore, but people are certainly being spooked by something that no-one can explain. No one explanation fits nor can it fit, especially in this part of America. Sightings going back centuries and modern sightings to this very day. And you can’t attack a belief in something that has made so many people across Louisiana so frightened. The most logical explanation is some kind of escaped pet the locals are unfamiliar with. But what’s to stay it wasn’t the product inbred ‘freaks’, the spawn of Satanic cults or even the severed testicles of a daemon baby? This is why so many people love New Orleans. Because this local colour is fascinating…
Urban legend? Likely. Piggybacking on the stories embellished over the years of all kinds of odd encounters, you end up with a jumble, a mix of oddness and curiosity. It’s an interesting tale. However it started has been lost to history, but there is something out there. A truth we may never uncover. You can call it ignorance but I wouldn’t. When someone is frightened, you don’t call them stupid, you investigate. And more than a few are frightened of the Grunch. Are they right to be scared? Yes. But what are they scared of? Maybe we’ll never know for sure. And that’s what makes the Grunch so terrifying.
If you’re in the swamps of Louisiana, you might just want to watch your back…
The Grunch. A cryptid I shall award 163 points using my patented Cryptid-o-Meter, putting it 15th in the list of 103, with The Pope Lick Monster still bottom and The Beast of Gévauden still holding top spot.
Join me again soon for more tales of the unknown…
Ciao :)(:
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