Idaho? I think it’s a flawed business model. If we assume hell to be a ‘business’, and it’s going out of business, then that indicates that the entire idea of hell in the first place was a bad idea. In fact, I’d argue that Lucifer was being a big baby in the first place. “Oh, I don’t like your idea of agency, God!” “I’m not putting up with this shit anymore, Lucy! YOU’RE BANISHED!” That’s right. God called Lucifer ‘Lucy’. What is ‘agency’ anyway? Was this some kind of Monday morning business meeting in heaven? “Hey, guys… what if we give humans agency?” And there Lucy is, kicking off, storming out and ruling over hell? Wowzers. Sounds like a teenager’s tantrum. “Eurgh, mom… I don’t think people should have agency!” “Look, I’ve told you before, shut up and clean your room!” “NO! You don’t get me, I’m leaving forever and you can’t stop me!” Now who’s laughing, eh? Hell is going out of business leaving poor Lucy to run the Fox News network…
Does this mean that hell is lost? Where do we send condemned souls now? And who runs it? Oh, I’m sorry? Do you want to leave Lucy in charge? How can hell even go out of business in the first place? How incompetent do you have to be for something that relies on people being bad and DYING going out of business?
It’s like turning up to a sewing contest with nunchuks…
The problem is, hell MUST exist. So we can only assume that the reason hell has ‘gone out of business’ is because there’s something wrong with hell itself. Maybe the roof is leaking. Put it this way: if hell didn’t exist, would there be more bad things on Earth? If burglary wasn’t illegal, you would ‘Tom Cruise’ your way into a museum to steal a huge diamond, wouldn’t you? Of course, knowing my luck, I’d fall from the ceiling and end up impaled on the diamond, but that’s just the kind of luck I have in life.
I still think Lucifer deserves to be fired for that one, but, regardless, we now have a problem. Where do you put the departed souls who did wrong? Where indeed do you tell people to go? Of course I wouldn’t really choose Idaho, that’s unfair.
Delaware, on the other hand…
Of course, where I choose says a lot about me as a person, doesn’t it? If I choose Venus, then that suggests that I believe all the sinners should BURN forever, mwa, ha, ha, ha! But that suggests that I also believe that no one is capable of redemption. That said, hell wasn’t really about redemption, it was more about melting people’s faces off for touching themselves.
Of course, we can’t put hell on Earth because that condemns the native population to a life of fire and brimstone, even if they already enjoy such pleasures in said place… like Westminster. Nor can we use our ability to enforce hell on an existing place to punish them. I hate London, just like everyone in the UK who doesn’t live in London. But it wouldn’t be fair to turn London into hell. Plus, I guess you could argue it already is ‘hellish’…
Of course, if hell can be anything, why can’t we put the entirety of hell inside a washing machine? Or why can’t we put it inside the concept of grief? Or create a new hell… Hell II? That’s the easiest option. Or we could just put hell inside my left nipple…
But with limitless options, the answer is obvious. We put the people in hell.. in heaven. Hear me out: the Bible clearly states that everyone in heaven is INCAPABLE of sin. You cannot do wrong in heaven. Everyone is perfect. You try sleeping with your neighbour’s wife? Instead, you’ll end up making her a nice cake. Don’t ask me about the icing.
Where better to put the people of hell than somewhere they cannot do wrong?
If hell goes out of business, I’d tell you to go to heaven…
Ciao :)(:
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