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In the Spotlight: 165 – Georgia (state)
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Continue reading →: In the Spotlight: 165 – Georgia (state)In 1958, a nuclear bomb went missing off the coast of this state. To this day, nobody knows where it is. Well, that’s comforting to know. So what can you find here? Well, you can find ‘The Tree That Owns Itself’, a white oak tree in Athens that owns itself.…
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If You Could Live Underwater, Would You?
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Continue reading →: If You Could Live Underwater, Would You?I’d shit myself if a lantern fish wandered by, but that’s okay, I’m on the toilet anyway. I know what you’re going to say, reader. Isn’t that a poor place to put a window? I’m not so sure. After all, this is an underwater habitat and a perk of that…
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The Pirate Who Captivated the World
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Continue reading →: The Pirate Who Captivated the WorldFew moments in Chicago television’s colourful history are as strange as what happened in 1987. This was a time before YouTube and streaming services. You’re up late watching a repeat on a cold, gloomy night. The Doctor Who classic ‘The Horror of Fang Rock’ is on air, one of the…
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What Is the Worst Band Name of All Time?
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Continue reading →: What Is the Worst Band Name of All Time?A good band name MUST tell you what you’re getting in to. So what in the name of all that’s holy is going on with, ‘Let’s Get Out of This Terrible Sandwich Shop’? That is a real band by the way and I have so many questions. Is the food…
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In the Spotlight: 164 – Gyumri
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Continue reading →: In the Spotlight: 164 – GyumriA woman says to her husband, “Dear, I came into your life from a fairy tale!” He replies, “From which fairy tale?” “A nice one.” “Oh, did they kick you out?” So goes one joke on the ‘Wall of Jokes’, a real place in today’s spotlight. They sound better in…
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Is There Such a Thing as a Victimless Crime?
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Continue reading →: Is There Such a Thing as a Victimless Crime?It’s well-known that no one wants to see my dong. I can’t exactly walk around waving it about, can I now? Yet we live in a world in which public nudity is illegal even though my dong is not hurting anyone. Now I must stress, it’s only illegal if someone…
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What’s the Worst Thing to Hear after Sex?
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Continue reading →: What’s the Worst Thing to Hear after Sex?Well, that was unexpected! This could mean your coital abilities surprised her or it could mean that she didn’t expect you to turn into a clown when you climaxed. In either instance, it isn’t great. In one instance, she thought you looked like the kind of chap who couldn’t organise…
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If Band Names Were Literal, What’s the Worst Concert?
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Continue reading →: If Band Names Were Literal, What’s the Worst Concert?‘Steps’ as I can’t manage them too well these days. Can you imagine a concert filled with nothing but steps? It’ll be like an MC Escher painting and I don’t need the migraine, thank you very much. Talk about tragedy with the feeling most certainly gone. There’s no going on…
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What Would Your Alternative to ‘Achoo’ Be?
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Continue reading →: What Would Your Alternative to ‘Achoo’ Be?The sneeze was named after Doctor Sneeze. Of course, sneezing didn’t exist before then. No, people just let the sneezes wash away, like all my hope. Now I know what you’re thinking, reader. What about the tissue industry? Well, it was a tough few centuries for them before sneezing but…
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The Fascinating Wolf Man of the Inuits
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Continue reading →: The Fascinating Wolf Man of the InuitsThese mythical beasts are the horrific offspring of an Inuit woman and a giant, vicious red dog, the details of their union I do not want to know about. From this horny doom came a litter of 10 bloodthirsty, fur-strewn, dog-like youth. Savage killers wandering across the chilly land, devouring…
Hello,
I’m Ally.
Welcome! This is To Contrive & Jive, a place where I ponder random questions and baffling mysteries. Come with me as we mull over the universe and learn that nothing is quite what it seems.
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Son of a vondrook
I do enjoy reading your ramblings. You are quite a funny chap, for an Alan.
To Contrive & Jive 
why did batman and the grand jury judge need to put supes in the phantom zone at alk? I thought…