Post 1,168
Yes, from the Suicide Forest, to the best way to die… to cryogenic freezing, this week on this blog has been a lot like Shark Week, except, instead of sharks, it’s death. That’s the theme. Death week! Not too different to Shark Week. Both are a bit ‘deathy’ if I’m being honest. But if we can’t have the death we want, why not freeze oneself to re-awake in a brighter and more hopeful future! Also known as the year… oh, I don’t know. 3050. Yes. 3050. Sure, half the world will be under water but at least the UK will still be in the EU…
Let me introduce to you to one cool dude. Ahem. James Bedford. Ah, what a fella. He was an American. And like… some kind of nutty professor. When he died, his body was cryopreserved and stored at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation. It was free! So he took them up on his offer. After death. Obviously. His body was frozen a few hours after he died, becoming the world’s FIRST cryogenically frozen human being. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I think of all this hubbub being a quite recent thing. 1980s at the absolute EARLIEST but for human beings that are STILL frozen today, you’re probably looking at the ‘90s. It might just be me, but I was WAY off. James Bedford, the very first, was cryogenically frozen in 1967. AND HE’S STILL FROZEN IN 2019! That’s over half a century ago! Think of all the amazing wonders he’ll see when he wakes up. The internet! Smart phones! Punk music! Gee. I wonder what he’ll think? Actually, knowing the Earth pretty well, I imagine he’ll want to be put back to sleep.
Of course, Jimmy remains frozen at Alcor, one of the world’s most FAMOUS cryo places. They claim they’re not for profit. Unless you count the huge sums of money people pay to be frozen, but they don’t, so I won’t call those crooks out on it. Ahem. They freeze FULL human bodies AND human heads, like in Futurama. The mainstream scientific community HATES cryogenics, seeing these folk as modern-day witches, but it’s clearly a good business model. As of 2018, Alcor has some 1,678 members, with 164 of them dead. And frozen. Plus a further 96 with just the head preserved. Who would want that, really? “Honey, I’ve come back!” “Oh, thank the Lord, it’s a miracle! Let me take a look at – OH, MY GOD! OH, SWEET JESUS! THAT IS NOT NORMAL!”
And hey, look if it’s just the head that is frozen, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a great sex life. Ahem. Alcor has also frozen 33 pets. Cool.
Talking of dogs, it is not true that Walt Disney was cryogenically frozen. In fact, Mr. Diz was cremated at the Forest Lawn Memorial Park. Robert Heinlein was also a famous ‘frozen-not-frozen’ fella, ditto Timothy Learly. He WANTED to be but he changed his mind shortly before he died. And I imagine that the literal changing of minds is also something Alcor are working on…
Cryogenics comes from the Greek word for ‘cold’. Oh. I thought it would much, much sexier. Human corpses are kept at a steady temperature of -196 degrees Celsius, left in the fondest hope they can both be brought back from the cold in the future AND that scientists will find the cure for 17 stab wounds in the back. People in this state are legally dead and most believe it will never be possible to bring someone back. It’s a lovely idea, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes when things are gone, they’re just gone, no matter how much we want them back. Sniff. Farewell, hot pants. Go gentle into that good night.
If frozen corpses are not turning you on – ooh, that sounded better in my head – then perhaps the cost will encourage you to reconsider. It’s only $28,000. For a basic freezing, granted. For something a bit more sparkly, you’re looking at $200,000, but as my mother always says, what’s the point in saving money as you can’t take it with you. There are budget options. KrioRus will dunk you in some nitrogen for $12,000. You’re still frozen… but only until the generator needs more pennies…
Over the entire globe, only four facilities freeze people, three in America and one in Russia, where I imagine it’s so cold anyway it doesn’t take a great deal of effort to CRYOGENICALLY freeze someone. Hmm. Of course, we all know it’s a bit difficult to unfreeze someone. The big issue is the brain. Scientists argue that it must be active continuously to survive or retain memory whereas cryogenics enthusiasts… don’t. In truth, as things stand, the freezing process is extremely damaging and irreversible with current technology. Bioengineering, molecular nanotechnology, nanomedicine and actual witchcraft are all being considered as potential solutions. To death. Hmm. Well, good luck with that one.
Despite this, some cryo-nuts are indicating that we could unfreeze someone before 2030. I want to be there, just so I can be the first to say, “WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORROW!” Or I could wear a monkey mask and scare the hell out of them. Ha. “WELCOME! TO THE PLANET OF THE APES!” I would not be a very responsible scientist…
There are ethical issues, too. Most courts find in favour of the dying’s final wishes, which seems fair, whereas in France, which has always been at the wrong end of civilisation, they have explicitly outlawed cryogenic freezing. I mean, they do allow donation to science, so it COULD be considered that. British Columbia has banned it but, strangely, nowhere else in Canada. And, whilst illegal in the UK, in 2016, a terminally ill 14-year-old girl wanted to be cryogenically frozen. It went to the High Court and the judge found in FAVOUR of the little girl. And this is the thing – it’s easy to laugh at people who wish to be frozen but when we’re dealing with a very sick child who just wants more life… it’s not so funny anymore. It’s very sad, in truth.
The numbers of men wishing to be cryogenically frozen outnumbers women by three to one, with most young, white males of high intelligence. As the scientists say. Or ‘nerds’, basically. But we are starting to see more and more families committing to this as a unit. And, you know, fitting into the white male nerd category, I am kinda getting this. For all the mocking and jibing, you can’t deny the fact that the world… sucks. It would be quite remarkable to be frozen to awake a thousand years later in some crazy future landscape with soaring metal towers, hoverboards and the beloved talking mayor dog. Hmm. I do get the appeal of it. More life, a new start, a new hope. It’s like opening an envelope, life. I often find myself with repeated paper cuts but now and again, life cuts you horribly but out comes money from a relative, along with a shit ton of blood, for some reason. And it’s lovely. If you threw me the bone of cryogenic freezing, I would be tempted…
But would I go through with it? Well, whilst cryogenic freezing is a lot like that money from some distant relative, I think it’s important to stress that, when I get money for birthdays, or Easter, or Christmas… I just put it straight in the bank. “But Ally, is there NOTHING you want?” “Well… this conversation to end.” “But there MUST be something for you to spend that money on.” And then you got to think of something! All that hassle and worry and just… oh, forget it. Have it back, then. What do you want me to do with a fiver in 2019 Britain? Buy a loaf of bread with it? I might get half a loaf of bread. You see, THIS is the problem with buying gold-encrusted bread.
It’s a very, very tempting offer because I cannot stress enough just how much I HATE this world some days, but you can’t run away from your problems. Or freeze them. Death is the end. It’s the final chapter. To want more life is a life not well lived. And sure, sometimes it’s cut short and that’s not fair, but you can’t live your life expecting that tomorrow will come. I was very nearly hit recently by a car going so fast it would have killed me. I don’t expect tomorrow to come. And one day that will be true. The important thing is that you never, ever give up on life. You should make the most of the time you have. And if you want to see the future – well… look, why bother? It’ll be just as shit as today.
Well, on that cheery note, have a nice weekend…
Ciao :)(:
Image
1) Alcor’s cryogenic tanks, shown here looking like the lair of a Bond villain…
(credit: motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/kbzype/the-girl-who-would-live-forever)
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post. You can leave a comment below. Likes and follows greatly appreciated.
Please feel free check out the latest posts from my other blogs:
The Indelible Life of Me (New Post Every Saturday)
Click Here to Read the Latest Post
Hark Around the Greats (New Posts Every Monday & Friday)
Click Here to Read the Latest Post
To Contrive & Jive 
Leave a comment