In the Spotlight: 164 – Gyumri

A woman says to her husband, “Dear, I came into your life from a fairy tale!” He replies, “From which fairy tale?” “A nice one.” “Oh, did they kick you out?” So goes one joke on the ‘Wall of Jokes’, a real place in today’s spotlight. They sound better in the local dialect. This place is also where you’ll find the oldest barbershop in Armenia, 85 years old. 93-year-old Kachik Aristakesyan has worked here for 69 of those years. And it’s where you’ll find a Soviet videogame arcade frozen in time. As well as The Museum of Illusions AND the Panik Bread Museum. It’s easily alarmed. Ahem. Today, we’re visiting The Father City, Gyumri.

Gyumri [gee-yum-ree] wasn’t always named that. In 1924, its name changed to Leninakan, in honour of one of The Beatles. From 1840 to 1924, the city was Alexandropol. And before that, it was Kumayri, from the Turkish word ‘kum’. What? Oh grow up…

Gyumri is the second largest city in Armenia. It stands at 21 square miles or 54 square kilometres, with a population of 121,976 people. It is one of the oldest cities on Earth, more than 5,000 years old. Mick Jagger played at the founding ceremony.

As pretty as Gyumri is, their motto leaves a lot to be desired. ‘Shining with Talent’, really? Gee, does everything sound better in Armenian?

The Kingdom of the Old Farts

Gyumretsi brag about how old they are. 5,000 years ago, as it turns out, was quite a while ago. The city’s story begins with the invasion of the Russians, which doesn’t sound like them at all. They settled in one corner of the city, while Muslims, Greeks, and Armenians settled elsewhere. By the time the city became Alexandropol, it was the most important city in Armenia, even more important than Yerevan. GASP! This is where you gasp…

It was about this time many of the city’s oldest institutions sprung up. Armenia’s oldest pharmacy opened in 1870, while the oldest barbershop opened in 1939. The barbershop’s chairs and signs are decades old. While the electric shavers are 45 years old. It’s said this helps the barbershop retain its old-world charm. It also sounds very dangerous.

By the 19^th century, Gyumri was a prosperous and beautiful city. Laid out in a grid pattern, its straight, wide and well-lit streets were a huge draw for businesses and tourists. But when the Turks took control of the city, 45,000 people fled in terror. The Turks left large parts of the city in ruins. Luckily, the Soviets were right around the corner!

Oh, wait, no, not ‘luckily’. They did do a lot for the city. Some of it good, some of it not so good. By the 1980s, the city was the most beautiful in all of Armenia. Sadly, in 1988 a devastating earthquake struck the city. Large swathes of this beautiful lay in ruin.

50,000 people died and 60 per cent of all homes were destroyed. Many heritage buildings were lost. A few gems survived while many more were rebuilt. A lack of funds has stopped the city from reconstructing more. But even today the ruins of the old city are still there. Shells of buildings and toppled buildings still line many streets.

The city suffered from a lack of relief aid and welfare, while fuel and public services stopped. The textile plant shut, putting 10,000 people out of work. Thousands of people still live in makeshift metal containers, known as domigs. The locals patched up old buildings, while they put up new buildings on the cheap.

But traces of the city’s past glory remain tucked away in Kumayri, the old town. Here you can still see what made this city so special. Life goes on in Gyumri. They are a tough bunch. The city is still rebuilding but there is optimism here.

Hence the Wall of Jokes. Even if they don’t seem that funny, Gyumretsi SWEAR they are, they promise…

The Mother of Bullets and Cow’s Heads

Gyumri has a thriving art and crafts scene and is home to many artists, musicians and performers. Dozens of art festivals and exhibitions take place each year. This is about all there is to do here as Gyumri is a small place.

That said, you can visit Mother Armenia. The statue and park honours the victory of the Soviet Union. There is a small boat pond or you can take a walk around the park and gaze in wonder at the various monuments to the might of the Soviet Union. Hey, some of them aren’t rusted to hell and that’s something.

The grand stairway leads to Mother Armenia, personifying the country in female form. When you look at her from the front, you see a victorious woman. From the back, it looks like an attacking dragon. Like all women’s arses.

Or you can pop over to HayAr Jewellery. Resident artist Artak Tadevosyan uses remnants of the various wars and repurposes them as jewellery, such as old bullets. Or a bracelet made from a gun. What better way to tell your partner how much you love them?

You can also visit the Shuka or the local market. Where there is a rule that you MUST bargain. They’re insulted if you don’t. Here you can try some of the local specialities. From chechil, a type of string cheese, to kyalla, or baked cow’s head.

If you want to wash it down, you could try the homemade fruit vodkas they love to drink here. Ah, yes. That will wash away the taste of baked cow’s head…

IT’S A JOKE! LAUGH, DAMN YOU!

Of course, the pick of the crop is the Anecdotes Wall. Gyumri is the humour capital of Armenia, which is a highly coveted title. The people of Dilijan are not happy about it. Gyumretsi are known for their wit, sarcasm and comedic storytelling.

It’s a city of ‘positive vibes’ if you will.

You can find the Wall of Jokes at 188 Shahumyan Street, a youth initiative (obvs), to promote the ‘authentic character’ of the city. One joke goes:

‘A wife said to her neighbour, “I sent my husband to buy carrots to make soup but he had an accident and died.” The neighbour replied, “So, what will you do?” To which the wife replied, “Maybe I will cook something else.”’

Resilience, pride and gallant humour are common here. There’s one true story set during the Soviet era. A group of Gyumri men circled the city square carrying a black coffin on their shoulders. Who died? When the men opened the coffin, inside were copies of the Soviet daily newspaper ‘Pravada’ (‘truth’). Get it? Yeah, it took me a while as well…

But where to visit?

The Wonders of Gyumri

There are wonders to visit such as the Museum of National Architecture, encapsulating the city’s architectural style in the famous local red tuff stone. And there’s the Cathedral of the Holy Martyrs completed in 2015 in the Armenian style. It goes to show this city can still build stunning architectural marvels.

Then there’s the Seven Wounds Church, a dark, foreboding fortress yet one that is strange and alluring. This is Armenian architecture in a nutshell. Unique and ever so lovely, built in the Armenian style and completed in 1884. During the earthquake, the church’s domes collapsed and had to undergo reconstruction. The original domes now rest on the church grounds. They sit as a harrowing reminder of what happened and a testament to the resilience of the Gyumretsi.

And then there’s the Holy Saviour’s Church, a true survivor, built in the Armenian style and completed in 1872. The church stood for 116 years until it was almost completely destroyed during the earthquake. It has remained closed ever since. Reconstruction began in the early 2000s and is still going on. But look what they have achieved. It is one of the most resplendent and eclectic churches on Earth.

But my favourite wonder of Gyumri is Kumayri, what’s left of the beautiful old city. Some buildings are shells, others need restoring. Yet 90 per cent of this area survived the earthquake. It offers a tantalising glimpse of this once mighty, yet small, jewel in Armenia’s crown. A gorgeous place oozing history, that will rise again.

Gyumri. The city of resilience, baked cows, and Panik! At the Breado…

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Ciao :)(:

Post 1,898: But have you ever visited Gyumri, reader?